From a first grader mind

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The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

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A first grade teacher had twenty-five students in
her class and she
presented each child in her class the first half of
a well known proverb and
asked them to come up with the remainder of the
proverb. It's hard to
believe these were actually done by first graders.
Their insight may
surprise you. While reading these keep in mind that
these are first graders,
6-year-olds, because the last one is classic!

1. Don't change
horses.........................until they stop running.
2. Strike while
the.......................................bug is close.
3. It's always darkest
before.....................Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of .......
termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but ......... how?
6. Don't bite the hand that .....................
looks dirty.
7. No news
is................................................impossible.
8. A miss is as good as a
.............................. Mr.
9. You can't teach an old dog new ..............
math
10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll ...... stink
in the morning.
11. Love all, trust
..................................... me.
12. The pen is mightier than the .................
pigs
13. An idle mind
is..............................the best way to relax.
14. Where there's smoke there's .................
pollution.
15. Happy the bride who........................gets
all the presents.
16. A penny saved is
................................ not much.
17. Two's company, three's .....................
the Musketeers.
18. Don't put off till tomorrow what ........ you
put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry
and
..............................you have to blow your
nose.
20. There are none so blind as ...................
Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not ...........
spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don't succeed
..................... get new batteries.
23. You get out of something only what you ........
see in the picture on
the box.
24. When the blind lead the blind ................
get out of the way.

And the WINNER and last one is

25. Better late than
......................................pregnant



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Andy Rooney's tips for telemarketers

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The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

---

Three Little Words That Work !!

(1)The three little words are: "Hold On, Please..."
Saying this, while putting down your phone and walking off
(instead of
hanging-up immediately) would make each telemarketing call so
much more
time-consuming that boiler room sales would grind to a halt.

Then when you eventually hear the phone company's
"beep-beep-beep" tone,
you know it's time to go back and hang up your handset, which
has
efficiently completed its task.

These three little words will help eliminate telephone
soliciting.

(2) Do you ever get those annoying phone calls with no one on the
other
end?
This is a telemarketing technique where a machine makes phone
calls and
records the time of day when a person answers the phone.

This technique is used to determine the best time of day for a
"real" sales
person to call back and get someone at home.

What you can do after answering, if you notice there is no one
there, is to
immediately start hitting your # button on the phone, 6 or 7
times, as
quickly as possible . This confuses the machine that dialed the
call and it
kicks your number out of their system. Gosh, what a shame not to
have your
name in their system any longer !!!

(3) Junk Mail Help:
When you get "ads" enclosed with your phone or utility bill,
return these
"ads" with your payment. Let the sending companies throw their
own junk
mail away.

When you get those "pre-approved" letters in the mail for
everything from
credit cards to 2nd mortgages and similar type junk, do not throw
away the
return envelope.

Most of these come with postage-paid return envelopes, right?
It costs them more than the regular 37 cents postage "IF" and
when they
receive them back.

It costs them nothing if you throw them away! The postage was
around 50
cents before! the last increase and it is according to the
weight. In that
case, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it
in these
cool little, postage-paid return envelopes.

One of Andy Rooney's (60 minutes) ideas.
Send an ad for your local chimney cleaner to American Express.
Send a pizza
coupon to Citibank. If you didn't get anything else that day,
then just
send them their blank application back!

If you want to remain anonymous, just make sure your name isn't
on anything
you send them.

You can even send the envelope back empty if you want to just to
keep them
guessing! It still costs them 37 cents.

The banks and credit card companies are currently
getting a lot of their own junk back in the mail, but folks, we
need to
OVERWHELM them. Let's let them know what it's like to get lots of
junk
mail, and best of all they're paying for it...Twice!

Let's help keep our postal service busy since they are saying
that e-mail
is cutting into their business profits, and that's why they need
to
increase postage costs again. You get the idea !

If enough people follow these tips, it will work----
I have been doing this for years, and I get very little
junk mail anymore.



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

The latest in heaven

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

---

POPE JOHN PAUL II IN HEAVEN 5/1/05

Pope John Paul II gets to heaven. St. Peter says, "Frankly, you're
lucky to be here."

Pope John Paul II says, "Why? What did I do wrong on earth?"

St. Peter says, "God was very angry with your stance on women
becoming priests."

Pope John Paul says, "He's mad about THAT?"

St. Peter says, "She's furious."



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Bravery is..........

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

---

is arriving home late after a boozy night out,
being confronted by your wife with a broom,
and having the guts to ask:
Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

And this one's for the gals

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

---

http://upchucky.com/flash-fun/girls-dancer.html

MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

For some fun around the office...

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

---

http://upchucky.com/flash-smiley-review.html

MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Enjoy

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

---

http://upchucky.com/fun-texas.html

MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

From Steelhoof, a joke. This is rare..

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

---

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, "Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?" I said, "All right, but we're not going to get much research done in just afew minutes."

Yes, that was a joke from Steelhoof. Thank God he's buzy doing thing that keep people safer on the net.

MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Saying I stole from Josh Madison

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

---

If a man in the woods says something and there isn't a woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
-Anonymous



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Saying I stole from Josh Madison

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

---

There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
-Douglas Adams "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy"



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Diagnostic Wal-Mart

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The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

---

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says
to Mike behind him," My
elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a
doctor." "Listen, you don't
have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.
"There's a diagnostic
computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine
sample and the computer
will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.
It takes ten seconds
and costs ten dollars...a lot cheaper than a
doctor."

So Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and
takes it to Wal-Mart. He
deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up
and asks for the urine
sample. He pours the sample into the slot and
waits. Ten seconds
later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have
tennis elbow. Soak your arm
in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will
improve in two weeks.
Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart."

That evening while thinking how amazing this new
technology was, Joe began
wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed
some tap water, a stool
sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife
and daughter, and a sperm
sample for good measure. Joe hurries back to
Wal-Mart, eager to check the
results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his
concoction, and awaits the
results.

The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water
softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with
anti-fungal shampoo.
(Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into
rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't
yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your
elbow will never get
better.

*Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Beware

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

---

The 14th is Mother-In-Law Day.



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

And just how married do you want ot be?

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

---

A married couple went to the hospital to have their
baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented
a new machine
that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor
pain to the
baby's father.

He asked if they were willing to try it out.
They were both very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for
starters, explaining that
even 10% was probably more pain than the father had
ever experienced
before.

However, as the labor progressed, the husband felt
fine
and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a
notch.
The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain
transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor
checked the husband's
blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was
doing.

At this point, they decided to try for 50%.

The husband continued to feel quite well.

Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out
the
wife considerably, the husband encouraged the
doctor
to transfer ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no
pain.

She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home, the mailman was dead on the
porch.



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

New exercise Routine for those over 40

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The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

---

New exercise Routine

New exercise routine if you're over 40.
You might want to take it easy at first, then do it faster as you become more proficient. It can be too strenuous for some.

Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program!

SCROLL DOWN...






























































NOW SCROLL UP.. ..

That's enough for the first day. Great job.

Have a Beer.


.


MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Saying I stole from Josh Madison

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

---

Before curiousity killed it, the cat learns more of the world than a hundred uninquisitive dogs.
-Tom Robbins "Fierce Invalids Home From Hot Climates"



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Saying I stole from Josh Madison

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

---

You've heard of people calling in sick. You may have called in sick a few times yourself. But have you ever thought about calling in well? It'd go like this: you'd get the boss on the line and say, 'Listen, I've been sick ever since I started working here, but today I'm well and I won't be in anymore.' Call in well.
-Tom Robbins "Even Cowgirls Get The Blues"



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Saying I stole from Josh Madison

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

---

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill because they pissed me off. -Anonymous



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".