TWO LITTLE KIDS

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The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

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Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each
other, outside the operating room.

The first kid leans over and asks,

"What are you in here for?"

The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils

out and I'm a little nervous."

The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about.

I had that done when I was four.

They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots

of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze."

The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"

The first kid says, "A Circumcision."

And the second kid says, "Whoa! Good luck buddy.

I had that done when I was born.

Couldn't walk for a year."



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

A Heartwarming Story

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The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

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Here's a heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little girl
and some construction workers. This will make you believe that we CAN
make a difference when we give a child the gift of your time...


A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day, a
construction crew came in and began building a house on the empty lot.


The family's 5-year-old daughter became interested in all the activity
going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.


Eventually, the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or
less adopted her as a project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit
with them while they took coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs
to do here and there to make her feel important.


At the end of the first week, the men presented her with a pay envelope
which contained $2.00. The little girl took this home to her mother, who
said all the appropriate words of admiration, and suggested that they take
the money she received to the bank to start a savings account.


When they talked to the bank teller, she was equally impressed and asked
the little girl how she had earned her very own pay check at such a young
age. The child proudly replied, "I worked last week with the crew
building the house next door to us."


"My goodness gracious" said the teller, "and will you be working on the
house again this week, too?"


The little girl replied, "I will if those assholes at Home Depot ever
deliver the fuckin' sheet rock..."




MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

I AM NOT THAT OLD

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The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

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Have you been guilty of looking at others your own
age and thinking... surely I cannot look that old? You
may enjoy this short story.


While waiting for my first appointment in the reception
room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore
his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome
boy with the same name had been in my high school class
some 30 years ago.

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought.
This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was
way too old to have been my classmate. After he had examined
my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high
school. "Yes," he replied. "When did you graduate?" I asked. He
answered, "In 1971.

"You were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely,
and then the son of a bitch asked,"What did you teach?"




MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

MY PHILOSOPHY On HOUSECLEANING!

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The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller,(Note from me;I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

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I don't do windows because... I love birds and don't want one to run into a clean window and get hurt.

I don't wax floors because... I am terrified a guest will slip, hurt themselves, I'll feel terrible and they may sue me.

I don't mind the dust bunnies because... They are very good company, I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say.

I don't disturb cobwebs because... I want every creature to have a home of their own.

I don't Spring Clean because... I love all the seasons and don't want the others to get jealous.

I don't pull weeds in the garden because... I don't want to get in God's way, he is an excellent designer.

I don't put things away because... My husband will never be able to find them again.

I don't do gourmet meals when I entertain because... I don't want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner.

I don't iron because... I choose to believe them when they say "Permanent Press".

I don't stress much on anything because... "A Type" personalities die young and I want to stick around and become a wrinkled up crusty ol' woman!!



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

The Blonde & Flowers

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The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

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Two friends, a blonde and a brunette, are walking down the street
and pass a flower shop where the brunette happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers.

She sighs and says, "Oh, shucks, my boyfriend is buying me flowers
again."

The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "Don't you like getting
flowers?"

The brunette says, "I love getting flowers, but he always has
expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like
spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."

The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

YES, I'M A BAD AMERICAN

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The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

---

I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid level governmental functionary, be it Democratic or Republican!

I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.

I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything.

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, try to do it in English.

I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.

I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy ass through 4 years plus of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened.

I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.

My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it.

I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years In the desert after getting chased out of Egypt. I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut the hell up already.

I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson practices, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution. Can I get an AMEN on that one?

I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them.

I also think they have the right to pull you over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.

I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.

If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.

If you are a BAD American too, please forward this to everyone you know.

We need our country back!

I agree! Suprise, suprise



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

"Voice mail truth" from another retired person.

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The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

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Every time I hear the message "YOUR CALL IS IMPORTANT TO US" I think "ya,if it really was important to you ,you would hire more people to answer the phones"
Think about it - they could have people sitting around waiting for you to call instead of you listening to musac waiting for them to get to your call
As I was on "voice mail hell" this thought popped into my head [ dangerous] we should force businesses that use voice mail to tell the truth, the Message would have to go something like this -

"your call is important to us
please continue to hold as the time you are waiting isn't"



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

The Sex Fairy

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The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

---

This is hilarious! Be sure to read the warning at the bottom.
That's why I didn't want to take any chances with this one! I'm
not messing with the Sex Fairy!

1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when
women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which
makes hair shine and skin smooth.

2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering
dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses
the pores and makes your skin glow.

3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that
romantic dinner.

4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches
and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable
than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!

5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases
endorphins into the boodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and
leaving you with a feeling of well being.

6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The
sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called
pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!

7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES
MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.

8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages
saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that
causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.

9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can
release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.

10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural
antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.

This message has been sent to you for
good luck in sex. The original is in a room in Palaiseau. It has
been sent around the world nine times. Now sex has been sent to you.
The "Hot Sex Fairy" will visit you within four days of receiving this
message, provided you, in turn, send it on. If you don't, then you
will never receive good sex again for the rest of your life. You will
eventually become celibate, and your genitals will rot and fall off.

This is no joke! Send copies to people you think need sex (who
doesn't?).
Don't send money, as the fate of your genitals has no price.

Do not keep this message. This message must leave your e-mail in 96
hours.
Please send ten copies and see what happens in four days. Since the
copy must tour the world, you must send it. This is true, even if you
are not superstitious!

And.... Have a laugh on me!

When the power of LOVE is stronger than the love of power, we will have
peace.




MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

How Many Dogs Does it Take to Change a Light bulb?

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The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

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Golden Retriever:
> The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got
our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid
burned out bulb?
>
> Border Collie:
> Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's
not up to code.
>
> Dachshund:
> You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
>
> Rottweiler:
> Make me.
>
> Lab:
> Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light
bulb! Can I? Can I?
Huh?
> Huh? Huh? Can I?
>
> Malamute:
> Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me
while he's busy.
>
> Jack Russell Terrier:
> I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the
walls and furniture.
>
> Poodle:
> I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and
he'll do it. By the time
he
> finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be
dry.
>
> Cocker Spaniel:
> Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in
the dark.
>
> Doberman Pinscher:
> While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.
>
> Boxer:
> Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys
in the dark......
>
> Mastiff:
> Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.
>
> Chihuahua:
> Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
>
> Irish Wolfhound:
> Can somebody else do it? I've got this
hangover.....
>
> Pointer:
> I see it, there it is, there it is, right
there....
>
> Greyhound:
> It isn't moving. Who cares?
>
> Australian Shepherd:
> First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little
circle....
>
> Old English Sheep Dog:
> Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light
bulb?
>
> Hound Dog:
> ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz
>
> Cat:
> Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change
light bulbs. So the
question
> is: how long will it be before I can expect any
darn light?




MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

This memo found today but dated 9/12/01

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The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

---

From: The White House
> To: Albert Gore, Jr.
>
> Dear Al:
>
> We found some more votes, you won!
> When do you want to take over?
>
> Sincerely,
>
> George W. Bush



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

A CNN News Bulletin

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The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

---

At a hastily called press conference this morning, Taliban Minister of
Emigration, Mohammed Omar, warned the United States
that if any futher military action is taken against
Afghanistan, Taliban authorities would not hesitate to
cut off America's supply of convenience store managers.


MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Did you hear the one about the young couple on the way to be married,,,

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The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

---

On their way to get married, a young couple
are involved in a
fatal
> > > > car accident. The couple find themselves
sitting outside the
Pearly
> > > > Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them
into Heaven. While
they
> > > > are waiting, they begin to wonder, "Could
they possibly get
married
> > > > in Heaven?"
> > > > When St. Peter shows up, they ask him. St.
Peter says, "I don't
> > > > know, this is the first time anyone has
asked. Let me go find
out,"
> > > > and he leaves.
> > > > The couple sits and waits for an answer. It
takes a couple of
> > > > months.
> > > > While they are waiting, they discuss
whether or not they
> > > > should get married, what with the eternal
aspect of it all.
> > > > "What if it doesn't work?" they wondered,
"Are we stuck together

> > > > forever?"
> > > > After yet another month, St. Peter finally
returns, looking
somewhat
> > > > bedraggled.
> > > > "Yes," he informs the couple, "you CAN get
married in Heaven."
> > > > Great!" said the couple, "But we were just
wondering, what if
things
> > > > don't work out? Could we also get a
divorce in Heaven?"
> > > > St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard
onto the ground.
> > > > "What's wrong?" asks the frightened couple.
> > > > "OH, C'MON!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me
three months to find
a
> > > > preacher up here!
> > > > Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me
to find a lawyer?"




MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Was Joshua a teacher???

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The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

---

The greatest miracle in the bible is when Joshua told
his son to stand
still and he obeyed him.

I like this the best.


TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math sums on
the floor?

CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!

-------------

TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?

JOHN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I
spell it!

---------------------

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?

SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!!

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

------------------

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North
America.

GEORGE: Here it is!

TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered
America?

CLASS: George!

-----------------------

TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have
today that we didn't have
ten years ago.

WILLY: Me!

------------------------

TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?

TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then
you are.

------------------------

TEACHER: Why are you late?

WEBSTER: Because of the sign.

TEACHER: What sign?

WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go
Slow."

------------------------

SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?

FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?

SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.

------------------------

TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by
biting insects?

JOSE: Don't bite any.

------------------------

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with
"I".

ELLEN: I is...

TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."

ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the
alphabet."

------------------------

TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and
eight oranges in the other,
what would I have?

CLASS CLOWN: Big hands!




MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

---

"Idon'twannago"


MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

WHO SAYS THAT COPS DON'T HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR?

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller (I am dyslectic, it isn't so -Sorry)

---

"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

"Just how big were those two beers?"

"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Yahoo! News Story - SpaceShipOne's Rutan Seeks $10M Prize

D (letslets.jokes-blog@blogger.com) has sent you a news article. (Email address has not been verified.)

Personal message:

Cross your fingers for this may well mean jobs for CA

SpaceShipOne's Rutan Seeks $10M Prize
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20040727/ap_on_sc/private_rocket

---

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Science - AP SpaceShipOne's Rutan Seeks $10M Prize 1 hour, 5 minutes ago Add Science - AP to My Yahoo! By JOHN ANTCZAK, Associated Press Writer SANTA MONICA, Calif. - The SpaceShipOne craft that cracked the commercial space flight barrier will be launched in September in a bid to win the $10 million Ansari X Prize, pioneering aviation designer Burt Rutan announced Tuesday. AP Photo AP Photo Slideshow: SpaceShipOne Project Service With a Smile? We rank the best customer support in the PC biz. Plus, tips on fixing problems and keeping your machine running smoothly.   The prize is being offered for the first privately developed, three-seat spacecraft to soar beyond an altitude of 62 miles and repeat the feat within two weeks. SpaceShipOne flew to that altitude in a test flight last month from Mojave, Calif., after being carried to its launch altitude of 50,000 feet under the belly of a Rutan-designed airplane, the jet-powered White Knight. Rutan said he plans a qualifying launch on Sept. 29 followed by the second flight as early as Oct. 4. At a news conference at Santa Monica Airport, Rutan said he plans to be capable of making three flights within the two-week period in case one flight fails to reach the required altitude. The pilot has not been selected. Rutan said the first flight will carry only the pilot but he did not rule out passengers for the subsequent attempt. "I really do want to fly passengers in this ship," he said. Backers of a Canadian effort called the Da Vinci Project announced that their spacecraft will roll out next week in Toronto and they intend to begin flying sometime in the fall. A total of 26 teams in seven countries are developing spacecraft to compete for the X Prize, which is sponsored by the privately funded X Prize Foundation in St. Louis. The SpaceShipOne project is bankrolled by billionaire Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen, who is spending more than $20 million. The three-seat requirement demonstrates the capacity for paying customers; the quick turnaround between flights demonstrates reusability and reliability. Although SpaceShipOne's June flight appeared to go flawlessly, Rutan revealed afterward that there was a serious malfunction in the trim system, used to adjust stability and steering, causing it to miss its atmospheric re-entry point by 22 miles. Hitting the re-entry point is important because after the rocket motor shuts down the plane becomes a powerless glider and cannot simply fly to its destination. Rutan and his Scaled Composites development company gained wide fame by building the lightweight, propeller-driven Voyager aircraft, which flew around the world nonstop without refueling in 1986. ___ On the Net: Scaled Composites: http://www.scaled.com X Prize: http://www.xprize.org Story Tools  Email Story   Post/Read Msgs   Print Story   Ratings: Would you recommend this story? Not at all 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 Highly Special Feature Service With a Smile? See which PC makers offer the best customer support Next Story: SpaceShipOne's Rutan Seeks $10M Prize  (AP) More Science Stories · The Next Great Space Race: SpaceShipOne and Wild Fire to Go For the Gold  (SPACE.com) · African ministers meet to draw up anti-locust battle plan  (AFP) · Study May Have Clue to Preventing Premature Births  (Reuters) · Space Science Pioneer Van Allen Questions Human Spaceflight  (SPACE.com) · Daily life goes on as boats replace rickshaws in flooded Dhaka  (AFP) ADVERTISEMENT Degrees in Education • Online Graduate Degrees in Education • Browse All Education Degree and Certificate Programs from Yahoo! Education

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A Life'sem

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Women and cats will do as they please,
and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.


MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Places on the web that help me sleep at night, like Ready.gov

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Need to know how to make it, if they come and GET ya. Be that Mother Nature or Terrorism forces. Find out how to make up an Emergency Supplies Kit. Take a look at a few; www.ready.gov, and redcross.org. Now for how or why you may need that kit, http://rand.org.


MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Now the second shoe is dropping, Wal-Mart Reportedly Inks Notebook Deal With Asian OEM

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July 23, 2004 (5:31 p.m. EST)
By Antone Gonsalves, TechWeb News

Wal-Mart Stores Inc. has reportedly signed a deal with Taiwan-based Elitegroup Computer Systems for notebooks that will carry the retail giant's house brand.

Elitegroup, which started delivering the laptops in May, is expected to ship from 40,000 to 50,000 notebooks to Wal-Mart each month through the rest of the year, The Taiwan Economic News reported last week. Wal-Mart declined comment.

Wal-Mart is expected to offer a notebook for either $599 or $699 under a house brand other than Wal-Mart. Such a product could affect sales of low-end computers sold by manufacturers Dell Inc., Hewlett-Packard Co. and Toshiba Corp., Sam Bhavnani, analyst for market researcher Current Analysis said Friday.

In addition, retailers Best Buy, Circuit City, CompUSA, Staples, Office Depot, Office Max and Costco could also suffer.

“What Wal-Mart has is reach,” Bhavnani said. “They're a multi-billion-dollar company that reaches a large portion of the country.”

Indeed, with 2,500 stores and 456 Sam's warehouse clubs in the U.S. alone, Wal-Mart has five times the number of stores as Best Buy or Circuit City, Bhavnani said. As another indicator of its size, Wal-Mart has more than $250 billion in sales worldwide, compared with Dell's $41 billion and HP's $73 billion.

Wal-Mart, however, is not the first to offer house-brand computers. CompUSA and Best Buy launched similar products, which failed to attract enough buyers. Both companies discontinued the products, Bhavnani said.

While only delivering 120,000 notebooks in the first half of this year, Elitegroup now expects to ship 600,000 units this year because of the Wal-Mart contract, the Taiwanese newspaper said.

Wal-Mart's latest push into the notebook market is not expected to affect sales to businesses or sales of high-end computers and laptops, Bhavnani said.

So, what's this second shoe, Wal-Mart is now just using the US as a giant Outlit. So they've in the pass used other countries childern to make their product now they're going to undermind US companies and the economy.

I don't know who I'm madder at Wal-Mart or the people who keep buy from them. We all got so upset when star we love sell products that are made by childern, why is it that it's OK for company's like Wal-Mart to do it. Sam is rolling over in his grave.



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Slogans

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The boss of Stone Marketing called a spontaneous staff meeting in the
middle
of a particularly stressful week. When everyone gathered, the
employer, who
understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt-out staff the
purpose
of the meeting was to have a quick contest. The theme was Viagra
advertising slogans.

The only rule was that they had to use past ad slogans, originally
written
for other products, that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight
variations
were acceptable. About 7 minutes later, they turned in their
suggestions
and created a Top Ten List. After all the laughter and camaraderie,
the
rest of the week went very well for everyone.

The Top Ten:

10. Viagra, Whaazzzzz Up!

9. Viagra, the quicker pecker upper.

8. Viagra, Like a rock!

7. Viagra: When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight!

6. Viagra: Be all that you can be.

5. Viagra: Reach out and touch someone.

4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

3. Viagra, Tastes great! More filling!

2. Viagra, We bring good things to life!

And the unanimous number one slogan:

1. This is your penis... This is your penis on drugs


MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".