Just in case you didn't know of the Yahoo political page

---

http://yahoo.capwiz.com/y/issuesaction/There are all kind of thing you can do, but if you want to know who Yahoo partenered with it's http://capitoladvantage.com/. Go take a look at either one.

Some Laughs for the ladies

---

> He said . . I don't now why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put
> in it.
> She said . . . You wear pants don't you?
> **********************
> He said . . Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
> She said . . . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while
> I sit on the sofa
> *********************
> He said . . . What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave
> you?
> She said . . .Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
> ************************
> Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to
> do the dishes?
> A. Both of them.
> ***************************
> Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
> A. The bonds eventually mature.
> *******************************
> Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
> A. So men can remember them.
> *************! *******************
> Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and
> good-looking?
> A. They already have boyfriends.
> *********************************
> Q. What do you call a woman who knows exactly where her husband is every
> night?
> A. A widow.
> ***********************************
> Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
> A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
> Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
> ************************************
> Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
> God says: "So you would love her."
> But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
> God says: "So she would love you."
> ***********************************

I was thinking (I shouldn't do that [it does hurt])

---

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones
that everyone has clipped on.
I can't afford one so I'm wearing my
garage door opener.

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant
before I realized that people
didn't like me anyway.

I was thinking that women should put pictures
of missing husbands on beer cans!

I was thinking about old age and decided that
it is when you still have something on the ball but
you are just too tired to bounce it.

I thought about making a fitness movie for
folks my age and call it "Pumping Rust."

I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease
....that's when your chest
is falling into your drawers!


Employment application blanks always ask who
is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think
you should write, "A Good Doctor!"

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do . . . write to these people?
Why don't they just put their pictures
on the postage stamps so the mailmen
could look for them while they delivered the mail?

I was thinking about how people seem to read
the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then
it dawned on me ... they were cramming for their finals.

As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.

The Ten Commandments REMOVED

---

The Ten Commandments display was removed from the Alabama Supreme Court building.

There was a good reason for the move. You can't post Thou Shalt Not Steal, Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery and Thou Shall Not Lie in a building full of lawyers and Politicians without creating a hostile work environment.

An Irish Confession

---

An Irish Confession

> >"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose
woman."
> >
> >The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?"
> >
> >"Yes, Father, it is."
> >
> >"And, who was the woman you were with?"
> >
> >"Sure and I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her
> >reputation."
> >
> >"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as
well
> >tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
> >
> >"I cannot say."
> >
> >"Was it Patricia Kelly?"
> >
> >"I'll never tell."
> >
> >"Was it Liz Shannon?"
> >
> >"I'm sorry, but I can't name her."
> >
> >"Was it Cathy Morgan?"
> >
> >"My lips are sealed."
> >
> >"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"
> >
> >"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
> >
> > The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy
> >Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must
atone.
> >You cannot attend church mass for three months Be off with you
now."
> >
> >Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and
whispers,
> >"What'd you get?"
> >
> >"Three month's vacation and five good leads

Some Religious Humor

---

One Wish

A man walking along a California beach was deep in
prayer. All of a
sudden he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish."
Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a
booming voice the Lord
said, "Because you have been faithful to me in all
ways,
I will grant you one wish!"
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can
drive over anytime I want
to."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic.
Think of the logistics
of that kind of undertaking. The supports required
to reach the bottom of
the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take!
I can do it, but it is
hard for me to justify your desire for worldly
things Take a little more
time and think of another wish, a wish you think
would honour and glorify
me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally
he said, "Lord, I have
been married and divorced four times. All of my
wives said that I am
uncaring and insensitive. I wish that I could
understand women. I want to
know how they feel inside, what they are thinking
when they give me the
silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean
when they say "nothing" and
how I can make a woman truly happy."

After a few minutes God said, "You want two lanes
or four on that bridge?"

I guess it's really not religious, it more sexist, sorry...

Remember now this is Humor, and if we you can't AT ourselfs....

---

Funeral
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with
only a pet
dog for company.
One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the
parish priest
and asked, "Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be
sayin' a mass for the
poor creature?"

Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot
have services for
an animal in the church. But there is a new
denomination down the lane,
and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe
they'll do something for
the creature."

Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya'
think $5,000 is
enough to donate for the service?"

Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of
Jesus! Why didn't
ya' tell me the dog was Catholic?"

R Rated Humor

---

ASIAN BRIDE
A young Japanese girl had been taught all of her
life that when she
married she was to please her husband and never
upset him.
So the first morning of her honeymoon when the
young Japanese bride
crawled out of the bed after making love and she
stooped down to pick up her
husband's clothes she accidentally let out a big
FART. She looked up and said,
"Excuse please, front so happy, back
laugh out loud."

THINGS TO PONDER

---

The three most powerful people in the U.S.A. now
are named, Bush, Dick, and Colon.

Cowboy & the Mormon Bishop

---

A Mormon Bishop was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The cowboy asked for a
whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Bishop if he would like a drink. He
replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by brazen whores than
let liquor touch my lips."

The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me
too... I didn't know we had a choice."

Ah, yes. The way of the world...

---

Married

>A man and a woman, who had never met before, found themselves assigned the
>same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially
>embarrassed
>and quite uneasy over sharing a room, the two were tired and fell asleep
>quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

>At about 2: 00 AM, he leaned over and gently woke the woman, saying,
>"Ma'am,
>I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet
>to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold. "
>
>"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that
>we're married."
>
>"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.
>"Good," she replied. "Get your own fucking blanket."

Not sure if this is real or just humor

---

RESUME
And what a resume;

George W. Bush The White House, USA

Please consider my experience when voting in 2004 -
Send this to every voter you know.

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE

LAW ENFORCEMENT: I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine in 1976 for
driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and
had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record
has been "lost" and is not available.

MILITARY: I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused
to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By
joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in
Vietnam.

COLLEGE: I graduated from Yale University. I was a cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.
I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas in 1975. I
bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company
went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took
land using taxpayer money.
With the help of my father and our right-wing friends in the oil
industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected Governor of Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR:
I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making
Texas the most polluted state in the Union. (where, I know personnaly, he not that loved)
During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden
city in America.
I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.
I set the record for the most executions by any Governor in American history.
With the help of my brother, the Governor of Florida, and my father's
appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by
over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one
billion dollars per week.
I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.
I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.
I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any
12-month period.
I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the
U.S. stock market.
I am the first president in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal
record.
I set the the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one year
period.
After taking-off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst
security failure in U.S.history.
I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a
WMD.
In my State Of The Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking
Iraq, then blamed the lies on our British friends.
I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S.
president.
In my first year in office over 2-million Americans lost their jobs and
that trend continues every month.
I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any
president in U.S. history.
I set the record for least amount of press conferences than any
president since the advent of television.
I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to
intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.
I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in
duty benefits for active duty troops and their families -- in war time.
I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to
simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people)
shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of
mankind.
I've broken more international treaties than any president in U.S.
history.
I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any
administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza
Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.
I am the first president in U.S. history to order an unprovoked,
pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I
did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S.
citizens, and the world community.
I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in
the history of the United States government .
I am the first president in U.S. history to have the United Nations
remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.
I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. prisoners of war"
(detainees) and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.
I am the first president in history to refuse United Nations election
inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).
I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most
corporate campaign donations.
My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends,
Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in
U.S. history. My political party used the Enron private jets and
corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court
during my election decision. I have protected my friends at Enron and
Halliburton against investigation or prosecution. More time and money
was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent
investigating one of the biggest corporate ripoffs in history.
I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center
attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country
in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.
I am first president in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%)
view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.
I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded
government contracts.
I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden and
Saddam Hussein to justice.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
All records of my tenure as Governor of Texas are now in my father's
library, sealed, and unavailable for public view.
All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my
bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public
view.
All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President,
attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and
unavailable for public review.

Please consider my experience when voting in 2004
END

I'm not laughing. You?

Did I already put this in?

---

JUSTIFIED HOMICIDE

One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her
husband in bed with another woman.. She became violent and ended up pushing
him off the balcony of their 20th-floor assisted-living apartment, killing him
instantly. Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was
asked if she had anything to say in defense of herself. "Your Honor,"
she began coolly,
"I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly."

How we learn

---

Things my Mother taught me

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to
kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of
the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up,
I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. 'If you fall out of that swing and
break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in
case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something
to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and
eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt
on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that
spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a
tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told
you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this
world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like
your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate
children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother ! taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get
home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when
you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your
eyes, They are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know
when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your
vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do
you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll
understand."

25. And my favorite: my mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll
have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

NEWS, OR SOMETHING LIKE IT...

---

WASHINGTON (AP) - Former weapons inspector David Kay said Wednesday "we were almost all wrong" about Saddam Hussein's weapons programs.
Republicans say the nation's intelligence agencies were the problem. Democrats point to the White House, questioning possible pressure put on intelligence analysts and noting Vice President Dick Cheney's continued assertions that weapons of mass destruction existed.

Read the full story from a TX small, well not too small, town paper; http://www.tylerpaper.com/

Well,Redneck, Yes or NO

---

Here's proof that you are a well-bred redneck...
1. If you have a complete set of salad bowls and
they all say Cool Whip on the side.

> > 2. If the biggest city you've ever been to is
Wal-Mart

> > 3. If your working TV sits on top of your
non-working TV

> > 4. If you thought the Unabomber was a
wrestler.

> > 5. If you've ever used your ironing board as a
buffet table.

> > 6. If you think a quarter horse is that ride
out in front of the K-Mart.

> > 7. If your neighbors think you're a detective
because a cop always brings you home.

> > 8. If a tornado hits your neighborhood and
does $100,000 dollars worth of improvement.

9. If you've ever used a toilet brush as a back
scratcher.

> > 10. If you've ever asked the preacher "How's
it hangin?"

> > 11. If you missed 5th grade graduation because
you had jury duty.

> 12. If you think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.

> > 13. If somebody tells you that you've got something
in your teeth and you take them out to see what it is.

> > 14. If you've ever stared at a can of orange
juice because it said concentrate.

15. If you have ever been too drunk to fish.

Ok, there's # 3, Jack Paar dies

---

Late-night icon Jack Paar, the onetime Tonight Show host who blazed the way for Carson, Letterman and Leno before quitting at the top of his game, died Tuesday at age 85. The legendary entertainer, who introduced the sofa-and-desk format to late-night television, hosted NBC's Tonight Show from 1957 to 1962, serving as the bridge between original host Steve Allen and Johnny Carson.

Outwardly humble, Paar once told listeners, "It's almost impossible to dislike me because I do nothing."

Paar was brought in to rescue the ailing Tonight Show in 1957, six months after the departure of original host Steve Allen (news). He wasted no time bringing the show up to, well, par, changing the format from variety to talk and bringing a who's-who guest list to his sofa, including Richard Nixon and Judy Garland (news) and newcomers like Woody Allen (news), Bill Cosby (news), Bob Newhart (news) and the Smothers Brothers..

He is survived by his wife of six decades, Miriam, and daughter Randy. God bless and and kept you Sir.
Thanks to E! Online for their input

Food for thought on the safty of your ID

---

FYI, head's up everyone!

Keep a watch out for people standing near you at retail
stores, restaurants, grocery stores, ATMs, etc., that have a cell phone in
hand.

With the new camera cell phones, they can take a picture of your credit
card, which gives them your name, number, and expiration date.

Identification theft is one of the fastest growing scams today, and this
is just another example of how ez it is for others to "GET YA".
So... be aware of your surroundings. TY, M

Just got an email from Norton the anti-virus people, update now Monday 1-26-04

---

What is W32.Novarg.A@mm and how does it affect me?

W32.Novarg.A@mm is an encrypted mass-mailing worm that arrives as an attachment, with either a .exe, .scr, .zip, or .pif extension.

Note: Symantec Consumer products that support Worm Blocking functionality automatically detect this threat as it attempts to spread.

The worm creates a mass mailing of itself, which may:

1. Clog mail servers or degrade network performance
2. Impact system performance

This worm is currently undergoing analysis. The record at Security Response will be updated as information becomes available.


To read more about the W32.Novarg.A@mm, please click here.


What action can I take from here?

Go to Symantec Security Response for posted virus
definitions!
All users of Norton AntiVirus
who do not have up-to-date virus protection should
immediately run LiveUpdate for protection from
W32.Novarg.A@mm.

Virus definitions are available via the LiveUpdate feature in the Norton AntiVirus product or the Symantec Security Response Web site.

Symantec Security Response encourages all Norton AntiVirus users to regularly download virus

I think I may have made a new friend

---

And we meet at a piano Bar. Both having gone there to listen to the piano player. And as it turns out he's "on the Radio". On
Sunday 9 to 11PM and Monday 10 to 1AM at KXJZ 88.9.
And would you know it, I miss him last night the first time I would have been able to catch him. But I'll get him toight & next Sunday. I put him on my Yahoo calenar. You can hear him too over the net, at http://www.csus.edu/npr/grid2.html
His Bio at KXJZ:
http://www.csus.edu/npr/bombal.html
Radio over the net is getting to be quit something. Love a station that's now across the country for you now. Check out this website to see if they are broadcasting over the net, if they are you in if you can use your computer to listen to them.