Think YOU"RE tech-challenged?

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
******** United States Marine Corps **********

---

Take heart, anyone among you who believes you are
technologically
challenged, you "ain't seen nuthin' yet."

This is an excerpt from a "Wall Street Journal"
article.

1. Compaq is considering changing the command
"Press Any Key" to "Press
Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking
where the "Any" key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining
that her mouse was hard to
control with the dust cover on. The cover
turned out to be the
plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. A Dell technician advised his customer to put
his troubled floppy back in
the drive and close the door.The customer asked the
tech to hold on and was
heard putting the phone down, getting up and
crossing the room to close the
door.

4. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't
get his computer to fax
anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the
technician discovered the
man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding
it in front of the monitor
screen and hitting the "send" key.

5. Yet another Dell customer called to complain
that his keyboard no longer
worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub
with soap and water and
soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all
the keys and washing them
individually.

6. A confused caller to IBM was having trouble
printing documents. He told
the technician that the computer had said it
"couldn't find printer" The
user had also tried turning the computer screen to
face the printer but that
his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.

7. An exasperated caller to Dell Tech Support
couldn't get her new Dell
Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer
was plugged in, the
technician asked her what happened when she pushed
the power button. Her
response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal
and nothing happens." The
"foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

8. A woman called the Canon help desk with a
problem with her printer. The
tech asked her if she was running it under
"Windows." The woman
responded,"No, my desk is next to the door. But
that is a good point. The
man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a
window and his printer is
working fine."

9. Tech Support: "O.K. Bob, let's press control and
escape keys at the same
time.That brings up a task list in the middle of
the screen. Now type the
letter "P" to bring up the Program Manag"
Customer: "I don't have a "P". Tech: "On your
keyboard, Bob." Customer:
"What do you mean?"
Tech: ""P" on your keyboard, Bob." Customer: "I'm
not going to do that!!!"



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Wal-Mart wine

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
******** United States Marine Corps **********

---

(AP) -- Some Wal-Mart customers soon will be able to sample a new discount item: Wal-Mart's own brand of wine.

The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with E&J Gallo Winery of Modesto, California, to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in
the $2-5 range. While wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-Mart brand wine into their shopping carts, there is a
market for cheap wine, said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at Roger Williams University in Bristol, R.I. She said: "The right name is
important." So, here we go:


The top 12 suggested names for Wal-Mart Wine:

12. Chateau Traileur Parc
11. White Trashfindel
10. Big Red Gulp
9. Grape Expectations
8. Domaine Wal-Mart "Merde du Pays"
7. NASCARbernet
6. Chef Boyardeaux
5. Peanut Noir
4. Chateau des Moines
3. I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar!
2. World Championship Riesling


And the number 1 name for Wal-Mart Wine ...

1. Nasti Spumante


The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with white meat (possum) and red meat (squirrel).




MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

IF this wasn't SO true, it would be funnier for me.

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
******** United States Marine Corps **********

---

HOW DO THESE PEOPLE SURVIVE?
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the
menu that you could
have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I
asked for a half
dozen nuggets. We don't have half dozen nuggets,
said the teenager at
the counter. You don't? I replied. We only have
six, nine, or twelve,
was the reply. So I can't order a half-dozen
nuggets, but I can order
six? I shook my head

and ordered six McNuggets.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The paragraph above doesn't amaze me because of
what happened a couple
of months ago. I was checking out at the local
Foodland with
just a few items and the lady behind me put her
things on the belt close
to mine. I picked up one of those Dividers that
they keep by the cash
register and placed it between our things so they
wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl

had scanned all of my items she picked up the
Divider looking it all
over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not
finding the bar code she

said to me "Do you know how much this is?" and I
said to her I've
changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today.
She said OK and I
paid
her for the things and left. She had no clue to
what had just
happened.....

MAKES YOU WONDER HOW THESE PEOPLE CAN SURVIVE!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into
her floppy drive and
pulling it out very quickly. When inquired as to
what she was doing,
she said she was shopping on the Internet and they
kept asking for a
credit card number, so she was using the ATM
thingy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping
beside her car. Do you
need some help? I asked. She replied, I knew I
should have replaced
the battery to this remote door UN-locker. Now I
can't get into my car.
Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient
store) would have
a battery to fit this? Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have
an alarm too? I
asked. No, just this remote thingy, she answered,
handing it and the car

keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked
the door, I replied,
Why don't you drive over there and check about the
batteries. It's a
long walk.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none
too swift. One day she
was typing and turned to a secretary and said, I'm
almost out of
typing paper. What do I do? Just use copier
machine paper, the
secretary told her. With that, the intern took her
last remaining blank
piece of
paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to
make five blank
copies. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large
motor home was towed
into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in
dire need of repair
and the whole thing generally looked like an extra
in Twister. I asked
the manager what had happened. He told me that the
driver had set the
cruise control and then went in the back to make a
sandwich.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IDIOTS AT WORK...
Sign in a gas station: Coke -- 49 cents. Two for a
dollar.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a
suspect by placing a
metal colander on his head and connecting it with
wires to a photocopy
machine. The message He's lying was placed in the
copier, and police
pressed the copy button each time they thought the
suspect wasn't
telling the truth. Believing the lie detector was
working, the suspect
confessed.


"Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid."



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Ya think a woman wrote these?

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
******** United States Marine Corps **********

---

My husband came home with a tube of KY
jelly and said,
"This will make you happy tonight." He
was right.
When he went out of the bedroom, I
squirted it all over the
doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"It's just too hot to wear clothes
today," Jack says as he
stepped out of the shower, "Honey, what
do you think the
neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn
like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your
money," she replied.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The day care teacher holds up a picture
and asks," What's
this?"
"A horsy," one child answers.

"And this?" the teacher asks.
"A piggy," replies another youngster.

"And now this one?" asks the
teacher, holding up a picture of a male
deer with a beautiful
rack
of antlers. There was no answer, only
total silence.

"Come now, children," she coaxes, "I'll
give you a little
hint. What
does your Mommy call your Daddy when he
hugs and kisses her
a lot?"

"I know! I know!!" exclaims one little
girl. "It's a horny
bastard!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: Why can't men get Mad Cow Disease?
A: Because it only attacks the brain.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good
looking, sensitive
man?
A: A rumor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: A couple is lying in bed. The man
says, "I am going to make

you the happiest woman in the world"

A: The woman says, "I'll miss you."



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

A Thought - Inner Strength

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
******** United States Marine Corps **********

---

If you can start the day without caffeine or pep
pills, If you can be
cheerful, ignoring aches and pains, If you can
resist complaining and
boring people with your troubles, If you can eat
the same food everyday
and be grateful for it, If you can understand when
loved ones are
too busy to give you time, If you can overlook when
people take things
out on you when,

through no fault of yours, something goes wrong, If
you can take
criticism and blame without resentment, If you can
face the world
without
lies and deceit, If you can conquer tension without
medical help, If you
can relax without liquor, If you can sleep without
the aid of drugs,


Then.............. you are probably a cat or a
dog.







MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

And this word means, WHAT?

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
******** United States Marine Corps **********

---

Once again, The Washington Post published its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words And the winners are...
1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
14. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your Soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Grandma's Apron

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
******** United States Marine Corps **********

---

The principle use of Grandma's apron was to protect the dress
underneath, but along with that, it served as a holder for removing
hot pans from the oven.

It was wonderful for drying children's tears,
and on occasion was even used for cleaning out dirty ears. From the
chicken-coop the apron was used for carrying eggs, fussy chicks, and
sometimes half-hatched eggs to be finished in
the warming oven.

When company came those aprons were ideal hiding
places for shy kids; And when the weather was cold, grandma wrapped
it around her arms. Those big old aprons wiped many a perspiring
brow, bent over the hot wood stove. Chips and kindling wood were
brought into the kitchen in that apron. From the garden, it carried
all sorts of vegetables. After the peas had been shelled it carried
out the hulls. In the fall the apron was used to bring in apples that
had fallen from the trees. When unexpected company drove up the road,
it was surprising how much furniture that old apron could dust in a
matter of seconds. When dinner was ready, Grandma walked out onto
the porch, waved her apron, and the men knew it was time to come in
from the fields to dinner.
It will be a long time before someone invents something that will
replace that "old-time apron" that served so many purposes. Send this
to those who would know, and love the story about Grandma's aprons.

We have 7 aprons between us here.

REMEMBER THIS!
"Grandma use to set her hot baked apple pies on the window sill to cool.
Her granddaughter's set theirs on the window sill to thaw."



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Question: How do you tell the difference between Democrats, Republicans and Southern Republicans?

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
******** United States Marine Corps **********

---

The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

Answer in the Extended Section...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Democrat's Answer

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor or Oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing!

I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

Republican's Answer

BANG!

Southern Republican's Answer

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

*click*

Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Scary story in S.F. Chronicle this week about how San Francisco is going to turn into a steaming tropical hellhole.

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
******** United States Marine Corps **********

---

Jon Carroll

Thursday, September 16, 2004


Scary story in The Chronicle this week about how San Francisco is going to turn into a steaming tropical hellhole. That would destroy one of the great reasons for living here: You get to live in California only without all that annoying heatstroke.

So I'm going to -- wait, that's all going to happen in 2090. I know this sounds selfish, but I plan to be dead in 2090. Plus, if there are 60 days a year of plus-100 temperatures here, imagine how cheap real estate will be. So I'll be dead, and with luck my heirs will have sold the family digs at a healthy profit and moved to balmy Montana.

The reason I bring this up, though, is a quote from Susanne C. Moser, a co-author of the climate-change report who lives in Boulder, Colo. (I mention that last part only to stir regional resentments.) Says Ms. Moser: "You'll get a lot of temperature variation, heat waves alternating with rapid cooling. That's a situation the body won't get used to."

That statement reminds me of those scientists who, at the dawn of the railroad age, predicted that humans would die if they were forced to travel at more than 60 miles an hour. The pressure would suck the air right out of them, or something.

Here in the Bay Area, we eat rapid temperature changes for lunch. We depend on them for energy and amusement. We -- look, remember last Sunday? That was the day that everybody did everything, Opera in the Park and long- distance bicycle racing and the 49ers game and picnics picnics picnics. The day started with glowering low clouds, a nasty little breeze off the ocean, a real taste of winter -- or, as we call it around here, June.

Tracy and I took Lauren out to the Discovery Center in Fort Baker. By the time we got there, the fog had been blown over to Stockton or somewhere, and there was sparkly blue sky and sunshine for miles in every direction. Lauren met her friend Phoebe there, and the two 3.5-year-olds raced around like uncaged ferrets, chasing each other and chasing nothing and shrieking for no reason -- little girls shriek, and when they hit top volume hawks fall from the sky.

At 2 p.m. it was probably 30 degrees warmer than it had been at 9 a.m. The tiny children did not seem perturbed. They climbed on the ship and bounced on the spider web and raced around the labyrinthine hut/art project made from woven willows -- which is, by the way, worth the price of admission all by itself.

They tried the "Sesame Street" exhibition, which was boring and self- promotional and tacky. All of the "push this button" exhibits were broken. Couldn't we just have a nice machine that crushes stuff all day long? Kids love seeing stuff getting crushed.

By that time, a cool wind had risen on the bay, spewing whitecaps and creating flocks of white-winged sailboats. But inside the big-windowed buildings, it was stuffy and hot in the afternoon sun. And we went from chilly wind to stuffy room to chilly wind to stuffy room, as people in the Bay Area have for as long as I have been here, and our bodies somehow did not fly apart. We dealt. The 3.5-year-olds didn't even notice.

Naturally, it's disturbing that Sacramento will become hot in the summer. I fret for Fresno, baking in the heat. We could, of course, institute sensible environmental policies to slow the climate change, but that's not going to happen as long as there is fossil fuel somewhere under the caribou. So instead, let's get to work on big hats with little fans sewn into the brims.

Le microclimate, c'est moi.

You know, if they don't want to pay for the new Bay Bridge, I don't think we should let them use it. Eat Dumbarton, Southern California swine. But that's not what this column is about.

I'd like to sup with my baby tonight, fill the cup with my baby tonight, but I'm not up jcarroll@sfchronicle.com.



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

SEEN ON WOMEN'S T-SHIRTS

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
******** United States Marine Corps **********

---

(On the front) 50 IS NOT OLD. (On the back) IF YOU'RE A TREE.

I'M STILL HOT ... IT JUST COMES IN FLASHES.

AT MY AGE, "GETTING LUCKY" MEANS FINDING MY CAR IN THE PARKING LOT.

MY REALITY CHECK JUST BOUNCED.

LIFE IS SHORT --MAKE FUN OF IT.

I'M NOT 50. I'M $49.95 PLUS TAX.

PHYSICALLY PFFFFFT!

BUCKLE UP. IT MAKES IT HARDER FOR THE ALIENS TO
SNATCH YOU FROM YOUR CAR.

IT'S MY CAT'S WORLD. I'M JUST HERE TO OPEN CANS.

EARTH IS THE INSANE ASYLUM OF THE UNIVERSE.

KEEP STARING .. I MAY DO A TRICK.

DANGEROUSLY UNDER-MEDICATED.

MY MIND WORKS LIKE LIGHTNING. ONE BRILLIANT FLASH AND IT'S GONE.

EVERY TIME I HEAR THE DIRTY WORD "EXERCISE,"
I WASH MY MOUTH OUT WITH CHOCOLATE.

CATS REGARD PEOPLE AS WARM-BLOODED FURNITURE.

LIVE YOUR LIFE SO THAT WHEN YOU DIE THE PREACHER WILL
NOT HAVE TO TELL LIES AT YOUR FUNERAL.

IN GOD WE TRUST. ALL OTHERS WE POLYGRAPH.



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

New larger window in space - Boy are we going to see thing now.

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
******** United States Marine Corps **********

---

Space's largest window is built

The Cupola structure will be fitted to the space station
The largest window built for use in space has been completed, promising to give astronauts a spectacular view from the International Space Station.

See the picture of it at http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/3655580.stm and the rest of the story if you want it.


MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Different Types of Measurement

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
******** United States Marine Corps **********

---

A Different Measurement

1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton
3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement =
1bananosecond
5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour =
Knotfurlong
7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling
8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line
12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone
14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle
16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds
17. 52 cards = 1 decacards
18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton
19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen
20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
22. 10 rations = 1 decoration
23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration
24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram
25. 8 nickels = 2 paradigms
26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University
Hospital = 1 IV League



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
******** United States Marine Corps **********

---

different measurement

1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton
3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement =
1bananosecond
5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour =
Knotfurlong
7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling
8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line
12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone
14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle
16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds
17. 52 cards = 1 decacards
18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton
19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen
20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
22. 10 rations = 1 decoration
23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration
24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram
25. 8 nickels = 2 paradigms
26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University
Hospital = 1 IV League



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Consultants, a joke

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
******** United States Marine Corps **********

---

A man walks into a Silicon Valley pet store looking for a monkey. The storeowner points towards three identical looking monkeys in politically correct, animal-friendly natural mini-habitats.

"The one to the left costs $500," says the storeowner.

"Why so much?" asks the customer.

"Because it can program in C," answers the storeowner.

The customer inquires about the next monkey and is told that "That one costs $1500, because it knows Visual C++ and Object-Relational technology."

The startled man then asks about the third monkey.

"That one costs $3000," answers the storeowner.

"$3000!" exclaims the man. "What can that one do?"

To which the owner replies, "To be honest, I've never seen it do a single thing, but it calls itself a Consultant."



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

The AOL Car

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
******** United States Marine Corps **********

---

The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer.

The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player.

The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later.

The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver from seeing better cars.

AOL would sell the same model car year after year and claim it's the NEW model.

Every now and then the brakes on the AOL car would just "lock-up" for no apparent reason.

The AOL car would have a very plain body style but would have lots of pretty colors and lights.

The AOL car would have only one door but it would have 5 extra seats for family members.

Anyone dissatisfied could return the car but must continue to make payments for 6 months.

If an AOL car owner received 3 parking tickets AOL would take the car off of them.

The AOL car would have an AOL Cell phone that can only place calls to other AOL car cell phones.

AOL would pass a new car law forbidding AOL car owners from driving near other car dealerships.

AOL car mechanics would have no experience in car repair.

Younger AOL car drivers would be able to make other peoples AOL cars stall just for fun.

It would not be possible to upgrade your AOL car stereo.

AOL cars would be forced to use AOL gas that cost 20% more and gave worse mileage.

Anytime an AOL car owner saw another AOL car owner he would wonder, M/F/age?

It would be common for AOL car owners to divorce just to marry another AOL car owner.

AOL car owners would always claim to be older or younger than they really are.

AOL cars would come with a steering wheel and AOL would claim no other cars have them.

Every time you close the door on the AOL car it would say, "Good-Bye."



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

260 Million Dollars and alot of good scientific odyssey gone

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
******** United States Marine Corps **********

---

This is ours, it's not a UFO, but it did land and hard

Bottom view

on the ground


The Genesis space capsule and its precious cargo -- billions of particles from the sun -- crashed into the Utah desert Wednesday in a last- minute bungling of a near-flawless, three-year scientific odyssey.

More on the rest to the story

MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Care and feeding of your computer

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
******** United States Marine Corps **********

---

I've been working on a project at work to ensure all our end users know how to back up data in preparation for company wide computer upgrades. I'm tempted to hand this out to some of our users.

1. Never leave diskettes in the disk drive, as data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders.

2. Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal particles can be removed by waving a powerful magnet over the surface of the disk. Any stubborn metallic shavings can be removed with scouring powder and soap. When waxing diskettes, make sure application is even. This will allow the diskettes to spin faster, resulting in better access time.

3. Do not fold diskettes unless they do not fit in the drive. "Big" diskettes may be folded and used in "little" disk drives.

4. Never insert a disk into the drive upside down. The data can fall off the surface of the disk and jam the intricate mechanics of the drive.

5. Diskettes cannot be backed up by running them through the Xerox machine. If your data needs to be backed up, simply insert two diskettes together into the drive whenever you update a document; the data will be recorded on both diskettes.

6. Diskettes should not be inserted into or removed from the drive while the red light is flashing. Doing so could result in smeared or possibly unreadable text. Occasionally the red light continues to flash in what is known as a "hung" or "hooked" state. If your system is "hooking" you, you will probably need to insert several dollars before being allowed to access the disk drive.

7. If your diskette is full and you need more storage space, remove the disk from the drive and shake vigorously for two minutes. This will pack the data ("data compression") enough to allow for more storage. Be sure to cover all the openings with scotch tape to prevent loss of data.



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

The AOL Pie

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
******** United States Marine Corps **********

---

AOL Pie
By: Seth D. Palmer
Original: "American Pie" (Don McLean)

A long, long, time ago
I can still remember when I dialed up their help desk lines.
And I knew if I had the chance
They could make my modem dance
with chats and GIFs and silly pick-up lines.
But Help Desk phone calls made me shiver
with every busy they'd deliver.
Bad news on the front page
A 19-hour outrage.
I can't remember if I cried
When I realized that Steve Case had lied.
But something touched me deep inside
The day the service died.
So bye bye to Amer'ca Online
Drove my modem to a domain and it's working just fine.
And good old geeks are cheering users offline
Saying this'll be the day that they die.
This'll be the day that they die.
Did you write the book of TOS
Will you send your password to PWD-BOSS
If an IM tells you so.
And will you believe the Motley Fool
When he tells you that the service rules
And can you teach me how to Web real slow?
Well I know you sold the service short
Cause I saw your quarterly report.
Steve Case sold off his stock
It fell just like a rock.
It was a crazy, costly high-tech play
As they slashed away at what subscribers pay
And half their users went away
the day the service died.
So bye bye...

Well for two days we've been on our own
And dial-ins click on a rolling phone
But that's not how it used to be
When the mogul came to Virginia court
With an OS icon and a browser port
And a desktop that looked like Apple III.
And while Jim Clark was looking down
The mogul stole his thorny crown
The browser war was turned.
Mozilla...was spurned.
And while Steve left users out to bond
With hosts unable to respond
6 million newbies all were conned
the day the service died.
So bye bye...

Da Chronic ducked their software guards
And stole a million credit cards
To use accounts he'd gotten free.
And so Steve Case went to the FBI
and he told Boardwatch* a little lie
That hackers wanted child pornography *
But while Steve Case was looking down
The hackers pulled his e-mail down
They put it on the net.
He can't be trusted yet!
And while user cynicism climbs
At sign-on ads and welcome rhymes
They scan their e-mail for "Good Times"
the day the service died.
So bye bye...

Helter-skelter billing needs a melter
The lawyers filed a class-action shelter
Eight million in lawyer's fees.
But it looks like some attorney jibe
an hour if they resubscribe.
To a service marketed for free
Well I KNOW you're raking in the bucks
Cause I'm reading alt.aol-sucks.
"Until we bless the suit
The settlement is moot."
"If AOL treats you like the Borg
Then visit aolsucks.org
Before some router pulls the cord..."
the day the service died.
So bye bye...

Bill Razzouk, the head-to-be
sold off his home in Tennessee
And headed for a 4-month end.
Was he sad or just incensed
when Case offered him his thirty cents.
Billing is the devil's only friend.
But as I read him on the page
My hands were clenched in fists of rage.
No "Welcome" born in hell
could ring that chatroom bell.
And as chat freaks cried into the night
CompuServe read their last rites.
I saw Earthlink laughing with delight
the day the service died.
So bye bye...

I met a girl in Lobby 9
And I asked her if she'd stay on-line.
But she just frowned and looked away.
And I went back to the Member Lounge
To see what loyalty I could scrounge
But Room Host said the members went away...
And on the net the modems scream
At faster speeds and data streams.
And not a tear was spoken.
The hourly fees were broken.
And the three men that I hated most
Ted, and Steve, and Razzouk's ghost
They couldn't dial up the host
The day the service died.



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

16 THINGS THAT TOOK ME OVER 56 YEARS TO LEARN:

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
******** United States Marine Corps **********

---

by Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the

human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full

potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental

illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you

almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and

compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant
unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday.
That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or
ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not
a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark.
A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.




MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

AOL Changes

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
******** United States Marine Corps **********

---

Due to the merger of AOL and Time Warner, AOL members can soon expect the following changes:

* Time Magazine's next "Man Of The Year" issue will feature Steve Case on the cover as the undisputed winner. This of course will strictly be a coincidence.

* The standard irritating AOL popups will be replaced by Warner Bros. cartoons. Now, Elmer Fudd will say, "You cwazy wabbit, you've been onwine for 5 minutes and that's way-y-y too long... we're going to boot you off!"

* When you try to access a web site that AOL blocks because they know that you are too stupid to think for yourself, Tweety Bird will say, "I tawt I taw a Puddy... I did, I did see a Puddy... ACCESS IS DENIED!"

* The next time that you hear Bugs Bunny say, "Eh, what's up Doc?" he will be referring to your monthly AOL subscription charge.

* Now that AOL owns everything, there is no one left for them to sell your private and personal information to. Therefore, they will now use that information to obtain a mandatory AOL Visa card in your name and make purchases on your behalf and bill you whatever they want whether you like it or not.

* Now, when you turn off your TV set, AOL will automatically download television programs without your permission and delete the channels of competitors that they don't want you to watch. Of course the next logical step will be popup ads on the screen while you're trying to watch your favorite show, and the inevitable outcome will be... "You've been watching TV for too long, your connection has been terminated"... CLICK!

And this my friends... is just the beginning!



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Subject: Prayer

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
******** United States Marine Corps **********

---

Thought you might enjoy this interesting prayer given in Kansas at the opening session of their Senate. It seems prayer still
upsets some people.
When Minister Joe Wright was asked to open the new
session of the Kansas Senate, everyone was expecting the usual generalities, but this is what they heard:


"Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask
your forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance. We know Your Wordsays, 'Woe to those who call evil good,' but that is exactly what we have done. We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values.

We confess that we have ridiculed the absolute
truth of Your Word and call it Pluralism.

We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery.

We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare.

We have killed our unborn and called it choice.

We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable.

We have neglected to discipline our childrenand
called it building self esteem.

We have abused power and called it politics.

We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called
it ambition.

We have polluted the air with profanity and
pornography and called it freedom of ___expression.
We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our
forefathers and called it enlightenment.

Search us, Oh, God, and know our hearts today; cleanse
us from every sin and set us free.

Guide and bless these men and women who have been sent
to direct us to the center of Your will and to openly ask these
things in the name of Your Son, the living Savior, Jesus Christ.

Amen!"

The response was immediate. A number of legislators walked out during the prayer in protest.. In 6 short weeks, Central Christian Church, where Rev. Wright is pastor, logged more than 5,000 phone calls with only 4 of those
calls responding negatively.

The church is now receiving international requests for copies of this prayer from India, Africa and Korea.

Commentator Paul Harvey aired this prayer on his radio program, "The Rest of the Story," and received a larger response to this program than any other he has ever aired.

With the Lord's help, may this prayer sweep over our nation and whole heartedly become our desire so that we again can be
called "one nation under God."

If possible, please pass this prayer on to yourfriends. "If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything."

Think about this: If you forward this prayer to everyone on your e-mail list, in less than 30 days it would be heard by the
world.



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Yahoo! News Story - Science Photos - Reuters

D (letslets@yahoo.com) has sent you a news article. (Email address has not been verified.)

Personal message:

This could be it! God I hope so. Maybe this well save us from ourselfs

Science Photos - Reuters
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/040902/photos_sc/mdf684803

---

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News Home News Photos Top Stories World Entertainment Sports Science Lifestyle Politics Slideshows Editors' Picks Most Popular Slideshows Cassini Spacecraft Probes Saturn Slideshow This NASA Cassini spacecraft image released in June 2004 shows dark regions representing areas ... • Cave of John the Baptist Possibly Found • Hurricanes & Tropical Storms • Mars • Locusts Invade West Africa More Science Photos - Reuters Slideshows Snapshots USA TODAY Snapshot How do your eyeglasses get dirty? More USA TODAY Snapshots

Science Photos - Reuters Add News Photos to My Yahoo! Prev. | Start | Next Thu Sep 2, 4:16 PM ET An unexplained radio signal from deep space could -- just might be -- contact from an alien civilization, New Scientist magazine reported on September 2, 2004. The signal, coming from a point between the Pisces and Aries constellations, has been picked up three times by the massive Arecibo radio telescope in Puerto Rico. New Scientist said the signal could be generated by a previously unknown astronomical phenomenon or even be a by-product from the telescope itself. But the mystery beam has excited astronomers across the world. The Arecibo observatory is seen in this January 2002 satellite image. (Space Imaging/Reuters) Photo Tools  Email Photo   Print Photo   Ratings: Would you recommend this photo? Not at all 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 Highly   Related Story: · Could Space Signal Be Alien Contact? Reuters - Thu Sep 2, 8:32 AM ET

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Five (5) lessons to make you think about the way we treat people!

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
******** United States Marine Corps **********

---

> 1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.
> During my second month of college, our professor
gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed
through the questions until I read the last one:
> > "What is the first name of the woman who cleans
the school?"
>
> Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the
cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s,
but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the
last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the
last question would count toward our quiz grade. "Absolutely," said
the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are
significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is
smile and say "hello".
>
>
> I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her
name was Dorothy.
>
>
> 2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain
>
> One night, at 11:30 P.M., an older African American
woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a
lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a
ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white
man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled
1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her
into a taxicab.
>
> She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his
address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the
man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to
his home. A special note was attached..
>
> "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway
the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my
spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to
my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away... God bless you
for helping me and unselfishly serving others."
>
> Sincerely,
> Mrs. Nat King Cole.
>
> 3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those
who serve.
>
> In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less,
a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A
waitress put a glass of water in front of him.
>
> "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.
>
> Fifty cents," replied the waitress.
>
> The little boy pulled is hand out of his pocket and
studied the coins in it.
>
> "Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he
inquired.
>
> By now more people were waiting for a table and the
waitress was growing impatient.
>
> "Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied.
>
> The little boy again counted his coins.
>
> "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.
>
> The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on
the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the
cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she
wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were
two nickels and five pennies..
>
> You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had
to have enough left to leave her a tip.
>
>
> 4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our
Path.
>
> In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a
roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove
the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers
came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not
keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone
out of the way.
>
> Then a peasant came along carrying a load of
vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his
burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much
pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up
his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the
boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from
the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the
boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never
understand!
>
> Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve
our condition.
>
> 5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it
Counts...
>
>
> Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a
hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a
rare &serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a
blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously
survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to
combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little
brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his
blood to his sister.
>
> I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a
deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will save her." As the
transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as
we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face grew
pale and his smile faded.
>
> He looked up at the doctor and asked with a
trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away".
>
> Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the
doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his
blood in order to save her.
>
>
> Now you have 2 choices.
>
> 1. Delete this email, or
>
> 2. Forward it to people you care about.
>
> I hope that you will choose No. 2 and remember.
>
>
> Most importantly.................. "Work like you
don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, and dance like
you do



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Listen to Momma

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

---

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish,
ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false
friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend building, someone could destroy
overnight;
Build anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget
tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never
be enough;
Give the world the best you have anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it's between you
and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

by Mother Teresa




MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".