Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present
the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in
pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England nor French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is
neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce
and hammers don't ham.
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
One index, 2 indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what
do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum
for the verbally insane.
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a
wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can
burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and
in which an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity
of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all).
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights
are out, they are invisible.
Adaptability:
A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window,
stating the following: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with
a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."
A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and
went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked
over to the sign, looked at it and whined.
Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager
looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least.
However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office.
Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.
The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to
type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out
a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and
gave it to him, then jumped back on
the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you
have to be good with a computer."
The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to
enter and execute a perfect program, that worked flawlessly the first time.
By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded!
He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog
and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the
job." The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on
the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The
manager said, "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual".
The dog looked at the manager calmly and said, "Meow".
The Ultimate Female Fantasy
A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an afterwork cocktail with her
girlfriends when
an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man entered. He was so
striking
that the woman could not take her eyes away from him. The young man noticed
her overly attentive stare & walked directly toward her.
Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring, the young
man said to her, 'I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to
do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition."
Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man replied,
'You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.'
The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse
and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she pressed into the young man's
hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes & slowly,
meaningfully said,
"Clean my house.
MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".
GO! Colin
"I think she choked."
< were sitting on a
That's 10,000 jobs. So who we going to blame for this? US, THAT's WHO.
