Saturday, April 30, 2005

The Real Jack & Jill Story


The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps



Jack was going to be married to Jill, so his
father sat him down for a
little chat.

"Jack, let me tell you something. On my wedding
night in our honeymoon
suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your
mother, and said, 'Here
try these on.'

So she did and said, 'These are too big. I
can't wear them.' So I
replied 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this
family and I always will.'

Ever since that night we have never had any
problems."

Jack thinks that might be good advice. So on
his honeymoon, Jack takes
off his pants and says to Jill, "Here, try
these on."

She does and says, "These are too large; they
don't fit me." So Jack
says, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family
and I always will, and I
don't want you to ever forget that."

Jill takes off her pants, hands them to Jack,
and says, "Here, you try
on mine."

He does and says, "I can't get into your
pants." Jill says, "Exactly,
and if you don't change your smart-ass
attitude, you never will."



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Friday, April 29, 2005

Saying I stole from Josh Madison


The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps



The one thing that we yearn for in our living days, that makes us sigh and groan and undergo sweet nauseas of all kinds, is the rememberance of some lost bliss that was probably experienced in the womb and can only be reproduced (though we hate to admit it) in death.
-Jack Kerouac "On The Road"



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Saying I stole from Josh Madison


The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps



A life with neither misery nor pleasure is an empty, neutral existance...to actively seek nothingness is worse than defeat...how can you admire a human who consciously embraces the bland, the mediocre, and the safe rather than risk the suffering that disappointments can bring? -Tom Robbins



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Saying I stole from Josh Madison


The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps



Let me not be confused forever.
-Christopher Columbus



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

For the cat people out there


The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

BE APART !

http://stuffonmycat.com/


MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Railroad Track Widths, this really tops it all...


The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

Railroad Track Widths

>> >>

>> >> Does the statement, "We've always done it that way"

>> ring any bells?

>> >> ... read to the end... it was a new one for me.

>> >>

>> >> The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the

>> rails) is 4

>> >> feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number.

>> Why was that gauge

>> >> used?

>> >> Because that's the way they built them in England, and

>> English

>> >> expatriates built the US Railroads.

>> >>

>> >> Why did the English build them like that? Because the

>> first rail

>> >> lines were built by the same people who built the

>> pre-railroad tramways,

>> >> and that's the gauge they used.

>> >>

>> >> Why did "they" use that gauge then?

>> >>

>> >> Because the people who built the tramways used the

>> same jigs and

>> >> tools that they used for building wagons, which used

>> that wheel spacing.

>> >>

>> >> Okay! Why did the wagons have that particular odd

>> wheel spacing?

>> >>

>> >> Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the

>> wagon wheels would

>> >> break on some of the old, long distance roads in

>> England, because that's

>> >> the spacing of the wheel ruts.

>> >>

>> >> So who built those old rutted roads?

>> >>

>> >> Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in

>> Europe (and

>> >> England) for their legions. The roads have been used

>> ever since.

>> >>

>> >> And the ruts in the roads?

>> >>

>> >> Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which

>> everyone else had

>> >> to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels.

>> Since the chariots

>> >> were

>> >> made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the

>> matter of wheel

>> >> spacing..

>> >>

>> >> The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet,

>> 8.5 inches is

>> >> derived from the original specifications for an

>> Imperial Roman war

>> >> chariot. And bureaucracies live forever.

>> >>

>> >> So the next time you are handed a specification and

>> wonder what

>> >> horse's ass came up with it, you may be exactly right,

>> because the

>> >> Imperial

>> >> Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to

>> accommodate the back

>> >> ends of two war horses.

>> >>

>> >> Now the twist to the story

>> >>

>> >> When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch

>> pad, there are two

>> >> big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main

>> fuel tank. These

>> >> are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made

>> by Thiokol at

>> >> their

>> >> factory at Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs

>> would have

>> >> preferred

>> >> to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be

>> shipped by

>> >> train from the factory to the launch site. The

>> railroad line from the

>> >> factory happens to run through a tunnel in the

>> mountains. The SRBs had

>> >> to

>> >> fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider

>> than the railroad

>> >> track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is

>> about as wide as two

>> >> horses' behinds.

>> >>

>> >> So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is

>> arguably the

>> >> world's most advanced transportation system was

>> determined over two

>> >> thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass.

>> >>

>> >> ..... and you thought being a HORSE'S ASS wasn't

>> important



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Sunday, April 24, 2005

The Tea Pot


The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

Bubba was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Mary Louise to the hardware store. At the hardware store, Mary Louise saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Joe Bob, the manager, to finish waiting on a customer. When Joe Bob was finished, Mary Louise asked how much for the teapot.
Joe Bob replied, "That's silver and it costs $100!"
"My goodness, that sure is a lotta money!" Mary Louise exclaimed. Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Bubba had sent her to buy, and Joe Bob went to the back room to find it.
From the back room Joe Bob yelled, "Mary Louise, you wanna screw for that hinge?"
Mary Louise replied, "No, but I will for the teapot."



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Truly "Priceless"


The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending
his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a
drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at
all. He didn't even remember how he got
home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he
wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to
force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he
sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water
on the side table. And, next to them, a
single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing
in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks
around the room and sees that it is in perfect order,
spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He
takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black
eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then
he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror
written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss
mark from his wife in lipstick!:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to
go get groceries to make you your favorite dinner
tonight. I love you, darling!
Love, Jillian.
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there
is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning
newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack
asks, "Son... what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of
your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke
it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that
black eye when you ran into the door." Confused he
asked his son, "So, why is everything in such
perfect order, so clean, I have a rose, and
breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son
replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom,
and when she tried to take your pants off, you
screamed, "Leave me alone, Lady. I'm married!"

Broken Coffee Table $39.99, Hot Breakfast $4.20,
Two Aspirins .38, Saying the right thing at the right
time: Priceless!



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Sunday, April 17, 2005

The best break up letter


The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a "Dear John"
letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:


Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us
is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since
you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry.
Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.
Love, Becky..............



The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any
snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or
ex-girlfriends. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included
all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his
buddies.
There were 57 photos in that envelope.... along with this note:

Dear Becky,

I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the f*** you are. Please
take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.

Take Care,
Ricky




MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Friday, April 15, 2005

Confuses


The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

A confused nine year old boy goes up to his mother and asks, "Is God
male or female?" After thinking a moment, his mother responds, Well,
God is both male and female."

This confuses the little boy so he asks, "Is God black or white?"
"Well, God is both black and white."

This further confuses the boy so he asks, "Is God gay or straight?" At
this the mother is getting concerned, but answers anyway, "Honey, God
is both gay and straight."

At this, the boy's face lights up with understanding and he
triumphantly asks, "Is God Michael Jackson?"



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Tax Types


The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

People who complain about taxes can be divided into two classes: men and women.

- Unknown


Income tax returns: the most imaginative fiction written today.

- Herman Wouk


Death and taxes may be certain, but we don't have to die every year.

- Unknown


There's nothing wrong with the younger generation that becoming taxpayers won't cure.

- Dan Bennett


Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut save you 30 cents?

- Peg Bracken


Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed.

- Art Buckwald


There is a difference between a tax collector and a taxidermist -- the taxidermist leaves the hide.

- Mortimer Caplan


The trouble with an income-tax reduction is that it will stimulate business just enough to put everybody in a higher tax bracket.

- Harold Coffin


If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.

- Farmer's Almanac

I wouldn't mind paying taxes -- if I knew they were going to a friendly country.

- Dick Gregory


The United States is the only country where it takes more brains to figure your tax than to earn the money to pay it.

- Edward J. Gurney


Income Tax has made more liars out of the American people than Golf.

- Will Rogers


When it comes to finances, remember that there are no withholding taxes on the wages of sin.

- Mae West

The nation ought to have a tax system which looks like someone designed it on purpose.

- William E. Simon

Optimist: Someone who sets aside two hours to do his income tax return.

--Unknown





MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Sunday, April 10, 2005

And what's your postion on Sex?


The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

It has been determined, the most used sexual position for married couples is a doggie position.

The husband sits up and begs.

The wife rolls over and plays dead.



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Saturday, April 09, 2005

A fun place to go on the net to play


The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

The Photo Hunt Game


MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Your new home page or search page, you gotta see this


The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps


http://www.yagoohoogle.com/


MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Up or down?


The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

A married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant
> when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees
> a man in a drunken stupor.
>
> The husband asks, "I notice you've been watching
> that man for some time now. Do you know him?"
>
> "Yes!" she replies, "He's my ex-husband, and he's
> been drinking like that since I left him seven years
> ago."
>
> "That's remarkable," the husband replies, "I
> wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long."



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Friday, April 08, 2005

"A Living will" just for ya'll and it's free.


The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps






I, _________________________ (fill in the blank), being of sound mind and

body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.



Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of peckerwood

ethically challenged politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if

their lives depended on it.



If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and ask for a

cold beer, it should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such

a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my other half, children and

attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.



Under no circumstances shall the hypocritical members of the Legislature

(State or Federal) enact a special law to keep me on life-support

machinery. It is my wish that these boneheads mind their own damn

business, and pay attention instead to the health, education and future

of the millions of Americans who aren't in a permanent coma.



Under no circumstances shall any politicians butt into this case.



I don't care how many fundamentalist votes they're trying to scrounge for

their run for the presidency, it is my wish that they play politics with

someone else's life and leave me alone to die in peace.



I couldn't care less if a hundred religious zealots send e-mails

to legislators in which they pretend to care about me. I don't know these

people, and I certainly haven't authorized them to preach and crusade on

my behalf. They should mind their own business, too.



If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case into a

political cause, I hereby promise to come back from the grave and make

his or her existence a living hell.



_____________________
Signature

DATE__________


__________________
Signature of Witness

DATE__________


MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Now that's Italian


The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in Jersey to say hello to his friends. Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wasa da treep?" Luigi said, "Everyting wasa perfecto except for da train ride down."

"Whata you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni. "Well, we boarda da train at Grana Central Station. My beautiful Virginia, she pack a biga basket a food. She broughta da vino, some nice cigars for me, and we were lookina forward to da trip. Everyting wasa Okey Dokey till we getta hungry and open upa da luncha basket. The conductore come a by, waga his finger at us anda say, 'no eat in disa car. Musta use a dining car.' "So, me and my beautiful Virginia, we go to a dining car, eat a biga lunch and starta ta open da bottle of a nice a vino!

Conductore walka by again, waga his finger and say, 'No drinka in disa car! Musta use a cluba car.' "So, we go to cluba car. While a drinkina da vino, I starta to lighta my biga cigar. The conductore, he waga his finger again and say, 'No a smokina disa car. Musta go to a smokina car.'

"We go to a smokina car and I smoke a my biga cigar. Then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to a sleeper car anda go to bed. We just about to go boomada boomada and the conductore, he walka through da hall shouting at da top of his a voice, 'Nofolka Virginia! Nofolka Virginia!'

"Next time, I'ma gonna take a da bus!!



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".