Saturday, July 31, 2004

This memo found today but dated 9/12/01


The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)


From: The White House
> To: Albert Gore, Jr.
>
> Dear Al:
>
> We found some more votes, you won!
> When do you want to take over?
>
> Sincerely,
>
> George W. Bush



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Friday, July 30, 2004

A CNN News Bulletin


The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)


At a hastily called press conference this morning, Taliban Minister of
Emigration, Mohammed Omar, warned the United States
that if any futher military action is taken against
Afghanistan, Taliban authorities would not hesitate to
cut off America's supply of convenience store managers.


MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Thursday, July 29, 2004

Did you hear the one about the young couple on the way to be married,,,



The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

On their way to get married, a young couple
are involved in a
fatal
> > > > car accident. The couple find themselves
sitting outside the
Pearly
> > > > Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them
into Heaven. While
they
> > > > are waiting, they begin to wonder, "Could
they possibly get
married
> > > > in Heaven?"
> > > > When St. Peter shows up, they ask him. St.
Peter says, "I don't
> > > > know, this is the first time anyone has
asked. Let me go find
out,"
> > > > and he leaves.
> > > > The couple sits and waits for an answer. It
takes a couple of
> > > > months.
> > > > While they are waiting, they discuss
whether or not they
> > > > should get married, what with the eternal
aspect of it all.
> > > > "What if it doesn't work?" they wondered,
"Are we stuck together

> > > > forever?"
> > > > After yet another month, St. Peter finally
returns, looking
somewhat
> > > > bedraggled.
> > > > "Yes," he informs the couple, "you CAN get
married in Heaven."
> > > > Great!" said the couple, "But we were just
wondering, what if
things
> > > > don't work out? Could we also get a
divorce in Heaven?"
> > > > St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard
onto the ground.
> > > > "What's wrong?" asks the frightened couple.
> > > > "OH, C'MON!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me
three months to find
a
> > > > preacher up here!
> > > > Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me
to find a lawyer?"




MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Was Joshua a teacher???



The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

The greatest miracle in the bible is when Joshua told
his son to stand
still and he obeyed him.

I like this the best.


TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math sums on
the floor?

CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!

-------------

TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?

JOHN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I
spell it!

---------------------

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?

SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!!

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

------------------

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North
America.

GEORGE: Here it is!

TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered
America?

CLASS: George!

-----------------------

TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have
today that we didn't have
ten years ago.

WILLY: Me!

------------------------

TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?

TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then
you are.

------------------------

TEACHER: Why are you late?

WEBSTER: Because of the sign.

TEACHER: What sign?

WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go
Slow."

------------------------

SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?

FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?

SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.

------------------------

TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by
biting insects?

JOSE: Don't bite any.

------------------------

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with
"I".

ELLEN: I is...

TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."

ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the
alphabet."

------------------------

TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and
eight oranges in the other,
what would I have?

CLASS CLOWN: Big hands!




MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?


The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)


"Idon'twannago"


MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

WHO SAYS THAT COPS DON'T HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR?


The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller (I am dyslectic, it isn't so -Sorry)

"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

"Just how big were those two beers?"

"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."



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Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Yahoo! News Story - SpaceShipOne's Rutan Seeks $10M Prize

D (letslets.jokes-blog@blogger.com) has sent you a news article. (Email address has not been verified.)

Personal message:

Cross your fingers for this may well mean jobs for CA

SpaceShipOne's Rutan Seeks $10M Prize
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20040727/ap_on_sc/private_rocket


Yahoo! News - SpaceShipOne's Rutan Seeks $10M Prize
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Science - AP
AP
SpaceShipOne's Rutan Seeks $10M Prize

1 hour, 5 minutes ago
Add Science - AP to My Yahoo!

By JOHN ANTCZAK, Associated Press Writer

SANTA MONICA, Calif. - The SpaceShipOne craft that cracked the commercial space flight barrier will be launched in September in a bid to win the $10 million Ansari X Prize, pioneering aviation designer Burt Rutan announced Tuesday.

Photo
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AP Photo Photo
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Slideshow Slideshow: SpaceShipOne Project


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The prize is being offered for the first privately developed, three-seat spacecraft to soar beyond an altitude of 62 miles and repeat the feat within two weeks.

SpaceShipOne flew to that altitude in a test flight last month from Mojave, Calif., after being carried to its launch altitude of 50,000 feet under the belly of a Rutan-designed airplane, the jet-powered White Knight.

Rutan said he plans a qualifying launch on Sept. 29 followed by the second flight as early as Oct. 4.

At a news conference at Santa Monica Airport, Rutan said he plans to be capable of making three flights within the two-week period in case one flight fails to reach the required altitude.

The pilot has not been selected.

Rutan said the first flight will carry only the pilot but he did not rule out passengers for the subsequent attempt.

"I really do want to fly passengers in this ship," he said.

Backers of a Canadian effort called the Da Vinci Project announced that their spacecraft will roll out next week in Toronto and they intend to begin flying sometime in the fall.

A total of 26 teams in seven countries are developing spacecraft to compete for the X Prize, which is sponsored by the privately funded X Prize Foundation in St. Louis.

The SpaceShipOne project is bankrolled by billionaire Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen, who is spending more than $20 million.

The three-seat requirement demonstrates the capacity for paying customers; the quick turnaround between flights demonstrates reusability and reliability.

Although SpaceShipOne's June flight appeared to go flawlessly, Rutan revealed afterward that there was a serious malfunction in the trim system, used to adjust stability and steering, causing it to miss its atmospheric re-entry point by 22 miles. Hitting the re-entry point is important because after the rocket motor shuts down the plane becomes a powerless glider and cannot simply fly to its destination.

Rutan and his Scaled Composites development company gained wide fame by building the lightweight, propeller-driven Voyager aircraft, which flew around the world nonstop without refueling in 1986.

___

On the Net:

Scaled Composites: http://www.scaled.com

 

X Prize: http://www.xprize.org


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A Life'sem


Women and cats will do as they please,
and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.


MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Monday, July 26, 2004

Places on the web that help me sleep at night, like Ready.gov


Need to know how to make it, if they come and GET ya. Be that Mother Nature or Terrorism forces. Find out how to make up an Emergency Supplies Kit. Take a look at a few; www.ready.gov, and redcross.org. Now for how or why you may need that kit, http://rand.org.


MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Saturday, July 24, 2004

Now the second shoe is dropping, Wal-Mart Reportedly Inks Notebook Deal With Asian OEM


July 23, 2004 (5:31 p.m. EST)
By Antone Gonsalves, TechWeb News

Wal-Mart Stores Inc. has reportedly signed a deal with Taiwan-based Elitegroup Computer Systems for notebooks that will carry the retail giant's house brand.

Elitegroup, which started delivering the laptops in May, is expected to ship from 40,000 to 50,000 notebooks to Wal-Mart each month through the rest of the year, The Taiwan Economic News reported last week. Wal-Mart declined comment.

Wal-Mart is expected to offer a notebook for either $599 or $699 under a house brand other than Wal-Mart. Such a product could affect sales of low-end computers sold by manufacturers Dell Inc., Hewlett-Packard Co. and Toshiba Corp., Sam Bhavnani, analyst for market researcher Current Analysis said Friday.

In addition, retailers Best Buy, Circuit City, CompUSA, Staples, Office Depot, Office Max and Costco could also suffer.

“What Wal-Mart has is reach,” Bhavnani said. “They're a multi-billion-dollar company that reaches a large portion of the country.”

Indeed, with 2,500 stores and 456 Sam's warehouse clubs in the U.S. alone, Wal-Mart has five times the number of stores as Best Buy or Circuit City, Bhavnani said. As another indicator of its size, Wal-Mart has more than $250 billion in sales worldwide, compared with Dell's $41 billion and HP's $73 billion.

Wal-Mart, however, is not the first to offer house-brand computers. CompUSA and Best Buy launched similar products, which failed to attract enough buyers. Both companies discontinued the products, Bhavnani said.

While only delivering 120,000 notebooks in the first half of this year, Elitegroup now expects to ship 600,000 units this year because of the Wal-Mart contract, the Taiwanese newspaper said.

Wal-Mart's latest push into the notebook market is not expected to affect sales to businesses or sales of high-end computers and laptops, Bhavnani said.

So, what's this second shoe, Wal-Mart is now just using the US as a giant Outlit. So they've in the pass used other countries childern to make their product now they're going to undermind US companies and the economy.

I don't know who I'm madder at Wal-Mart or the people who keep buy from them. We all got so upset when star we love sell products that are made by childern, why is it that it's OK for company's like Wal-Mart to do it. Sam is rolling over in his grave.



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Thursday, July 22, 2004

Slogans


The boss of Stone Marketing called a spontaneous staff meeting in the
middle
of a particularly stressful week. When everyone gathered, the
employer, who
understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt-out staff the
purpose
of the meeting was to have a quick contest. The theme was Viagra
advertising slogans.

The only rule was that they had to use past ad slogans, originally
written
for other products, that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight
variations
were acceptable. About 7 minutes later, they turned in their
suggestions
and created a Top Ten List. After all the laughter and camaraderie,
the
rest of the week went very well for everyone.

The Top Ten:

10. Viagra, Whaazzzzz Up!

9. Viagra, the quicker pecker upper.

8. Viagra, Like a rock!

7. Viagra: When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight!

6. Viagra: Be all that you can be.

5. Viagra: Reach out and touch someone.

4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

3. Viagra, Tastes great! More filling!

2. Viagra, We bring good things to life!

And the unanimous number one slogan:

1. This is your penis... This is your penis on drugs


MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

An old one with a new twist:-)



Two Women waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a
conversation.
"How did you die?" the first woman asks the second.
"I froze to death,"says the second.
"That's awful," says the first woman. "How does it
feel to freeze to
death?
"It's very uncomfortable at first, says the second
woman. "You get the
shakes, and, you get pains in all your fingers, and
toes. But,
eventually,
it's a very calm way to go. You get numb, and, you
kind of drift off, as
if
you're sleeping." How about you, how did you die?"
"I had a heart attack," says the first woman. "You
see, I knew my
husband
was
cheating on me, so, one day I showed up at home
unexpectedly. I ran up
to
the
bedroom, and, found him alone, watching TV. I ran
down to the basement,
but,
no one was hiding there, either. I ran up to the
second floor, but, no
one
was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could
to the attic, and,
just
as I got there, I had a massive heart attack, and,
died."
The second woman shakes her head. "That's so
ironic. If you had only
stopped
to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."




MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

AS sent to The Turner Network:


[Welcome to Turner Network Television's feedback area. If your questions about TNT aren't answered in any of the categories listed as links to the right, we invite you to contact us via email (tnt@turner.com).]

My s/o and I just finished watching “The Grid”. We both agree that it appears to be a quality production, but that we can’t really be sure and probably will not tune in again because we cannot hear the characters or read the text graphics (they are too small and leave the screen too quickly for the amount of content they contain).

He does have a minor hearing problem, but it is consistent with his age and experiences, and is also consistent with the age and experiences of many of your viewers. Most members of the viewing public have difficulty hearing conversations through other ambient noise. What this means is that programs in which the characters spend most of their time in whispered dialogues that have constant soundtrack music or special effects sounds underlying the conversation quickly lose their appeal. Trying to keep up with the plot through a barely audible conversation is too much like work to be entertaining or interesting. In an effort to understand what the characters are saying the volume controls on the T.V. continually creep up to louder and louder levels. Eventually the assault on ones’ senses becomes overwhelming. And when commercials enter the sound bombardment scenario the mute function cannot be accessed quickly enough!

As an actress, I understand the desire to utilize every available means to effect a mood for a piece; hushed tones, a tense musical interlude, traffic noises. As a teacher, I also understand that no matter how effective the tools utilized to create the mood you will lose your audience when they can’t hear or understand what you are saying. Current programming has gone beyond the bounds of effectiveness when the actors cannot be heard or understood. They don’t articulate or project and critical dialogue is lost along with the storyline and the writer’s P.O.V.

Perhaps the recent popularity of such mundane entertainment venues as the TV Land, Hallmark and Nickolodeon channels is the lack of soundtrack and special effects and subsequently the ability of the audience (that’s me) to understand and enjoy the programming. It’s sad, really. I know I’m missing some wonderful and pertinent viewing. But I work too hard at “the office” and don’t want to work that hard to listen to T.V. I enjoy having my intellect challenged, but am unwilling to try to survive an audio onslaught to do so.

I wish I believed that this missive would help any of the industry’s producers understand their audience any better and actually work to make viewing enjoyable again, but I don’t.

I do feel better for having expressed my distress. Thank you for your attention.


MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Monday, July 19, 2004

A man walks into a bar joke


A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind
him, and as he
sits, the bartender comes over, and asks for his
order. The man
says, "I'll have a beer," and turns to the ostrich.
"What about
you?"

"I'll have a beer too," says the ostrich. The
bartender pours the
beer and says "That will be $3.40 please," and the
man reaches into
his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and ostrich come again, and
the man says
"I'll have a beer," and the ostrich says, "I'll
have the same."
Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays
with exact
change.

This becomes a routine until, late one evening, the
two enter
again. "The usual?" asks the bartender. "Well,
it's close to last
call, so I'll have a large scotch" says the man.
"Same for me,"
says the ostrich.

"That will be $7.20," says the bartender. Once
again the man pulls
exact change out of his pocket and places it on the
bar. The
bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer.
"Excuse me sir.
How do you manage to always come up with the exact
change out of
your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was
cleaning the attic
and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie
appeared and
offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I
ever had to pay
for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket, and
the right amount
of money will always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most
people would wish for
a million dollars or something, but you'll always
be as rich as you
want for as long as you live!"

"That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a
Rolls Royce, the
exact money is always there," says the man.

The bartender asks, "One other thing, sir, what's
with the ostrich?"

The man replies "My second wish was for a chick
with long legs."



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Sunday, July 18, 2004

The Lady on the bus...


TUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659---CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man
> > > opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another
seat.
> > >
> > > >
> > > >This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
> > > The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst
out
> > > laughing. She complained to the driver, and he had the man arrested.
> > > >
> > > >The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20
years
> > > old) what he had to say for himself.
> > > >
> > > >The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this: When the
lady
> > > got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat
down
> > > under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are Coming,' and I
> > > grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's
> > > Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile. Then she
placed
> > > herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the
> > > Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself. BUT, your Honor, when she
> > > moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber
> > > could have prevented this Accident'... I just lost it."
> > > >
> > > >"CASE DISMISSED!!"



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Saturday, July 17, 2004

I got this one back in early 2002 and I waited till later to send it out...


Her hair was up in a ponytail

Her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school,
And she couldn't wait to go.

But her mommy tried to tell her,
That she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand,
If she went to school alone.

But she was not afraid;
She knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates
Of why he wasn't there today.

But still her mother worried,
For her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again,
She tried to keep her daughter home.

But the little girl went to school,
Eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never see
A dad who never calls.

There were daddies along the wall in back,
For everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently,
Anxious in their seats.

One by one the teacher called,
A student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
As seconds slowly passed.

At last the teacher called her name,
Every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching,
For a man who wasn't there.



"Where's her daddy at?"
She heard a boy call out.
"She probably doesn't have one,"
Another student dared to shout.

And from somewhere near the back,
She heard a daddy say,
"Looks like another deadbeat dad,
Too busy to waste his day."

The words did not offend her,
As she smiled up at her Mom.
And looked back at her teacher,
Who told her to go on.

And with hands behind her back,
Slowly she began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child,
Came words incredibly unique.

"My Daddy couldn't be here,
Because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be,
Since this is such a special day.

And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
And how much he loves me so.

He loved to tell me stories
He taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses,
And taught me to fly a kite.

We used to share fudge sundaes,
And ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him,
I'm not standing here alone.

Cause my daddy's always with me,
Even though we are apart
I know because he told me,
He'll forever be in my heart"

With that, her little hand reached up,
And lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat,
Beneath her favorite dress.

And from somewhere in the crowd of dads,
Her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
Who was wise beyond her years.

For she stood up for the love
Of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her,
Doing what was right.

And when she dropped her hand back down,
Staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft,
But its message clear and loud.

"I love my daddy very much,
He's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here,
But heaven's just too far.

You see he was a fireman
And died just this past year
When airplanes hit the towers
And taught Americans to fear.

But sometimes when I close my eyes,
It's like he never went away."
And then she closed her eyes,
And saw him there that day.

And to her mother's amazement,
She witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children,
All starting to close their eyes.

Who knows what they saw before them,
Who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,
They saw him at her side.

"I know you're with me Daddy,"
To the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers,
Of those once filled with doubt.

Not one in that room could explain it,
For each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her,
Was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.

And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,
By the love of her shining bright star.
And given the gift of believing,
That heaven is never too far


They say it takes a minute to find a special
person,

an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but
then an entire life to

forget them. Send
this phrase to the people you'll never forget and

remember to send it also to the person that sent it
to you. It's a short

message to let them know that you'll never forget
them. If you don't send it


to anyone, it means you're in a hurry and that
you've forgot your friends.
Take
the

time... to live and love.
Until eternity. God bless.
Thanks, M

MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Friday, July 16, 2004

Is this a great country or what...


In March of 1992 a man living in Newton, Massachusetts received a
bill on his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0.00. He threw
it away. In April he received another and tossed that one, too. The following
month the credit card company sent him a nasty note stating they were going
to cancel his card if he didn't send them $0.00. In retrospect, he probably
should have let them do that. Instead he called the company and was informed
that (are you ready for this?) the problem was the result of a computer error.
They told him they'd take care of it.

The following month he reasoned that, if other charges appeared on the card,
then it would put an end to his ridiculous predicament. Besides, they assured
him the problem would be resolved. So he presented his card for a purchase.
It was declined. Once again he called. He learned that the credit card had been
canceled for lack of payment. They apologized for (here it is again) another
computer error and promised they would rectify the situation. The next day he
got a bill for $0.00 stating that payment was now overdue. Assuming that this
bill was yet another mistake, he ignored it.

But the following month he received yet another bill for $0.00 stating that he
had ten days to pay his account in full or the company would take necessary
steps to recover the debt. He gave in. He mailed in a check for $0.00. The
computer duly processed it and returned a statement to the effect that his
account was paid in full.

A week later, the man's bank called him asking him why he wrote a check
for $0.00. He explained the problem at length. The bank replied that the
$0.00 check had caused their check processing software to fail. The bank
could not now process ANY checks from ANY of their customers that day
because the check for $0.00 caused a computer crash.

The following month the man received a letter from the credit card company
claiming that his check had bounced, that he still owed $0.00 and, unless
payment was sent immediately, they would institute procedures to collect this debt.

This man, who had been considering buying his wife a computer for her birthday,
bought her a typewriter instead.




MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Thursday, July 15, 2004

From a friend...


I am in the south right now and i heard one today..
to someone who has lots of energy and cannot stay
focused on 1 thing you'd say..

"You're acting like a cricket in a hot skillet"

> Thanks to him, Southern phrases that will help you fit in if you
have to go to the south;

- Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.

- It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch.

- He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

- Have a cup of coffee, it's already been "saucered" and "blowed."

- She's so stuck up, she'd drown in a rainstorm.

- It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.

- My cow died last night so I don't need your bull.

- He's as country as corn flakes.

- This is gooder'n grits.

- Busier than a cat covering poop on a marble floor.

- If things get any better, I may have to hire someone
to help me enjoy it.



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Daily Quotation


If I were to name the three most precious resources of life, I should say books, friends, and nature.


MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

Which brand would you use?


Nike Condoms: Just Do It!
> > > > Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling!
> > > > Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby!
> > > > Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop!
> > > > Ford Condoms: The best never rest!
> > > > Chevy Condoms: Like a rock!
> > > > New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey you never know!
> > > > California Lotto Condoms: Who's next?
> > > > Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever!
> > > > KFC Condoms: Finger-licking good! !
> > > > Coca Cola Condoms: Always the real thing!
> > > > Lays Condoms: Betcha can't have just one!
> > > > Campbell's Soup Condoms:Mmm mmm good!
> > > > AT&T Condoms: Reach out and touch someone!
> > > > Bounty Condoms: The quicker picker upper!
> > > > Energizer Condoms: It keeps going and going....!
> > > > M&M Condoms: It melts in your mouth, not in your
> > > > hands!
> > > > Taco Bell Condoms: Get some; make a run for the
> > > > border!
> > > > MCI Condoms: For friends and family!
> > > > Doublemint Condoms: Double your pleasure, double your
> > > > fun!
> > > > You will experience GREAT SEX if you pass this on to
> > > > at least 10 people. If you don't pass it on, your
> > > > sexual anatomy will fall off and die!



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Monday, July 12, 2004

The Geography of a Woman:


Between the ages of 15 - 18 a woman is like China or Iran.
Developing at a sizzling rate with a lot of potential but as
yet
still not free or open.

Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or
Australia.
She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with
bushland around the fertile deltas.

Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or Japan.
Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade
especially with countries with cash or cars.

Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India or Spain. Very
hot, relaxed and convinced of its own beauty.

Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France or
Argentina.
She may have been half destroyed during the war but can still
be
a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq.
She
lost the war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive
reconstruction may now be necessary.

Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia or Canada.
Very
wide, quiet and the borders are practically unpatrolled but
the
frigid climate keeps people away.

Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England or
Mongolia.
With a glorious and all conquering past but alas no future.
After
70, they become Albania or Afghanistan. Everyone knows where
it
is, but no one wants to go there.



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Sunday, July 11, 2004

The Mortician


Charlie had a massive heart attack and died. His
body was delivered to
the
mortuary. He had been wearing an expensive,
expertly tailored black
suit at
the time of his demise, so he really looked
wonderful, considering the
circumstances.

His wife went to the funeral home to make the final
arrangements for his

interment. She spoke to the mortician about what
her husband would be
wearing.
The mortician pointed out that the man looked
really nice in the black
suit
he was wearing, and that frankly it would be easier
and less expensive
to
leave him dressed as he was.
The woman noted that Charlie had always looked his
very best in blue,
and
that she really wanted him in a blue suit for his
trip to eternity. To
silence
the mortician's continued outcries, she gave him a
blank check and said,
"I
don't care what it costs, but please have my
husband in the very best
blue
suit money can buy for the ceremony."

The woman came back the next day for the wake. To
her delight, she
found
her Charlie dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a
subtle chalk stripe;
the
suit fit him perfectly. She said to the mortician,
"Whatever this cost,
I'm
very satisfied. You did an excellent job, and I'm
very grateful. How
much
did you spend?"

To her astonishment, the mortician presented her
with the blank check,
indicating there was no charge for these extra
services. "No, really, I
must
compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue
suit!" she cried.

The mortician responded, "Honestly, ma'am, the
change to the blue suit
cost
nothing. Funny thing, a deceased gentleman of about
your husband's size
was
brought
in shortly after you left yesterday, wearing an
attractive blue suit. I

asked
his wife if she minded him going to his grave
wearing an attractive
black
suit.
She indicated that it made no difference, as long
as he looked nice...

So I switched the heads."



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Saturday, July 10, 2004

OK, now you can relax this olded is now done and we can mover on


A whale story


A male whale and a female whale were swimming off
the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship.

The male whale recognized it as the same ship
that had harpooned his father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under
the ship and blow out our air hole at the same
time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink."

They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned
over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales
realized the sailors were swimming to the safety
of the shore. The male whale was enraged that they were
going to get away and told the female,
"Lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach
the shore."

At this point, he realized the female was
becoming reluctant to follow him.

"Look", she said, "I went along with the blow
job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Friday, July 09, 2004

FCC Boss Launches Blog Aimed at High-Tech Industry- Reaching out to the people this might not least


By Jeremy Pelofsky

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - U.S. Federal Communications Commission (news - web sites) Chairman Michael Powell has started his own Web log, or blog, to reach out to the high-tech community and bypass the scores of Washington lobbyists who typically skulk around his office.



Powell, who wants to avoid regulating new technologies like Web-based telephone service for fear of stifling innovation, said he started the blog to encourage the high-tech industry to get involved because its past practice of flying under the radar to avoid regulations would no longer work.

For the rest of the story

To the Powell Blog Host site and his blog

His blog's address I think

MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

Sex Quotes


"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,
natural, wholesome
things
that money can buy." Steve Martin

"You know that look women get when they want sex?
Me neither." Drew
Carey

"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention
of getting married."
Matt Barry

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation.
The other eight are
unimportant." Henry Miller

"There are a number of mechanical devices which
increase sexual arousal,

particularly in women. Chief among these is the
Mercedes-Benz 500 SL
convertible." P. J. O'Rourke



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Tuesday, July 06, 2004


One night, a man and a woman are at a bar downing a few beers. They strike up
a conversation and quickly discover that
they're both doctors.
After about an hour, the man says to the woman,
"Hey, how about we sleep together tonight? No strings attached.
It'll just be one night of fun."

The woman agrees.

So they go back to her place. She goes into
the bathroom and starts scrubbing
up like she's about to go into the operating
room.

She scrubs for a good 10-20 minutes. Finally, she goes into the
bedroom and they have sex for an hour or so.

Afterwards, the man says to the woman,
"You're a surgeon, aren't you?"

"Yeah, how did you know?"

"I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started."

"Oh, that makes sense," says the woman.
"You're an anesthesiologist, aren't you?"

"Yeah," says the man, a bit taken aback. "How
did you know?"

The woman answers, "I didn't feel a fucking thing."


MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Monday, July 05, 2004

AAADD


I have recently been diagnosed with AAADD, Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
>
> This is how it goes....

> I decide to do work on the car, start to the
garage and notice the mail on the table. OK, I'm going to work on
the car.... BUT FIRST,
I'm going to go through the mail. Lay car keys
down on desk... After
> discarding the junk mail.... I notice the trash
can is full...... OK,

I'll just put the bills on my desk..... BUT FIRST,
I'll take the trash out...
> but since I'm going to be near the mailbox, I'll
address a few bills....
> Yes, now where is the checkbook?
> Oh, there's my empty plastic cup from last night
on my desk. I'm going to look for those checks....

BUT FIRST, I need to put the cup back in the
kitchen. Head for the kitchen, look out the
window, notice the lowers need > a drink of water,
I put the cup on the counter and there's my extra
pair of glasses on the kitchen counter. What are they
doing there? I'll just put them away....
BUT FIRST, I need to water those plants. I head for
the door
> and...Aaaaaagh! Someone left the TV remote in
the wrong spot.
> Okay,I'll put the remote away and water the
plants.... BUT FIRST, I need to find those checks.

END OF DAY:
Oil in car not changed, bills still unpaid, cup still in the sink,
checkbook still has only one check left, lost my car keys...
And,
> when I try to figure out how come nothing got
done today, I'm baffled because... I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY!
I realize this condition is serious...
I'd get help...
BUT FIRST...
I think
I'll check my E-mail.


MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

This might be too much, but after I pictured it , I laughed


A man and his four-year-old son were talking about sex. The son asked his father,
"Dad, what does a pussy look like?"
The dad asked him, "Before or after sex?"

>"Ummm, before sex," the kid replied.

>The dad said, "Have you ever seen a beautiful red
rose with soft red petals?"

>"Yeah," said the son. "Well, what about after
sex?"

>His dad replied, "Have you ever seen a bulldog
eating mayonnaise?"


MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Sunday, July 04, 2004

Call in when your sick


Hey, boss, I not come work today I really sick. I got headache, stomach
ache, and my legs hurt, I not come work."

The boss says: "You know Carlos I really need you
today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and
tell her to give me sex.
That makes me feel better and I can go to work.
You should try that."

Two hours later Carlos calls: "Boss, I did what you
said and I feel great, I be at work soon. And, By the way,
You got nice house."


MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".