Just in case you didn't know of the Yahoo political page

---

http://yahoo.capwiz.com/y/issuesaction/There are all kind of thing you can do, but if you want to know who Yahoo partenered with it's http://capitoladvantage.com/. Go take a look at either one.

Some Laughs for the ladies

---

> He said . . I don't now why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put
> in it.
> She said . . . You wear pants don't you?
> **********************
> He said . . Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
> She said . . . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while
> I sit on the sofa
> *********************
> He said . . . What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave
> you?
> She said . . .Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
> ************************
> Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to
> do the dishes?
> A. Both of them.
> ***************************
> Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
> A. The bonds eventually mature.
> *******************************
> Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
> A. So men can remember them.
> *************! *******************
> Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and
> good-looking?
> A. They already have boyfriends.
> *********************************
> Q. What do you call a woman who knows exactly where her husband is every
> night?
> A. A widow.
> ***********************************
> Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
> A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
> Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
> ************************************
> Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
> God says: "So you would love her."
> But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
> God says: "So she would love you."
> ***********************************

I was thinking (I shouldn't do that [it does hurt])

---

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones
that everyone has clipped on.
I can't afford one so I'm wearing my
garage door opener.

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant
before I realized that people
didn't like me anyway.

I was thinking that women should put pictures
of missing husbands on beer cans!

I was thinking about old age and decided that
it is when you still have something on the ball but
you are just too tired to bounce it.

I thought about making a fitness movie for
folks my age and call it "Pumping Rust."

I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease
....that's when your chest
is falling into your drawers!


Employment application blanks always ask who
is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think
you should write, "A Good Doctor!"

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do . . . write to these people?
Why don't they just put their pictures
on the postage stamps so the mailmen
could look for them while they delivered the mail?

I was thinking about how people seem to read
the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then
it dawned on me ... they were cramming for their finals.

As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.

The Ten Commandments REMOVED

---

The Ten Commandments display was removed from the Alabama Supreme Court building.

There was a good reason for the move. You can't post Thou Shalt Not Steal, Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery and Thou Shall Not Lie in a building full of lawyers and Politicians without creating a hostile work environment.

An Irish Confession

---

An Irish Confession

> >"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose
woman."
> >
> >The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?"
> >
> >"Yes, Father, it is."
> >
> >"And, who was the woman you were with?"
> >
> >"Sure and I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her
> >reputation."
> >
> >"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as
well
> >tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
> >
> >"I cannot say."
> >
> >"Was it Patricia Kelly?"
> >
> >"I'll never tell."
> >
> >"Was it Liz Shannon?"
> >
> >"I'm sorry, but I can't name her."
> >
> >"Was it Cathy Morgan?"
> >
> >"My lips are sealed."
> >
> >"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"
> >
> >"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
> >
> > The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy
> >Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must
atone.
> >You cannot attend church mass for three months Be off with you
now."
> >
> >Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and
whispers,
> >"What'd you get?"
> >
> >"Three month's vacation and five good leads

Some Religious Humor

---

One Wish

A man walking along a California beach was deep in
prayer. All of a
sudden he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish."
Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a
booming voice the Lord
said, "Because you have been faithful to me in all
ways,
I will grant you one wish!"
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can
drive over anytime I want
to."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic.
Think of the logistics
of that kind of undertaking. The supports required
to reach the bottom of
the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take!
I can do it, but it is
hard for me to justify your desire for worldly
things Take a little more
time and think of another wish, a wish you think
would honour and glorify
me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally
he said, "Lord, I have
been married and divorced four times. All of my
wives said that I am
uncaring and insensitive. I wish that I could
understand women. I want to
know how they feel inside, what they are thinking
when they give me the
silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean
when they say "nothing" and
how I can make a woman truly happy."

After a few minutes God said, "You want two lanes
or four on that bridge?"

I guess it's really not religious, it more sexist, sorry...

Remember now this is Humor, and if we you can't AT ourselfs....

---

Funeral
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with
only a pet
dog for company.
One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the
parish priest
and asked, "Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be
sayin' a mass for the
poor creature?"

Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot
have services for
an animal in the church. But there is a new
denomination down the lane,
and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe
they'll do something for
the creature."

Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya'
think $5,000 is
enough to donate for the service?"

Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of
Jesus! Why didn't
ya' tell me the dog was Catholic?"

R Rated Humor

---

ASIAN BRIDE
A young Japanese girl had been taught all of her
life that when she
married she was to please her husband and never
upset him.
So the first morning of her honeymoon when the
young Japanese bride
crawled out of the bed after making love and she
stooped down to pick up her
husband's clothes she accidentally let out a big
FART. She looked up and said,
"Excuse please, front so happy, back
laugh out loud."

THINGS TO PONDER

---

The three most powerful people in the U.S.A. now
are named, Bush, Dick, and Colon.

Cowboy & the Mormon Bishop

---

A Mormon Bishop was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The cowboy asked for a
whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Bishop if he would like a drink. He
replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by brazen whores than
let liquor touch my lips."

The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me
too... I didn't know we had a choice."

Ah, yes. The way of the world...

---

Married

>A man and a woman, who had never met before, found themselves assigned the
>same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially
>embarrassed
>and quite uneasy over sharing a room, the two were tired and fell asleep
>quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

>At about 2: 00 AM, he leaned over and gently woke the woman, saying,
>"Ma'am,
>I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet
>to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold. "
>
>"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that
>we're married."
>
>"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.
>"Good," she replied. "Get your own fucking blanket."

Not sure if this is real or just humor

---

RESUME
And what a resume;

George W. Bush The White House, USA

Please consider my experience when voting in 2004 -
Send this to every voter you know.

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE

LAW ENFORCEMENT: I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine in 1976 for
driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and
had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record
has been "lost" and is not available.

MILITARY: I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused
to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By
joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in
Vietnam.

COLLEGE: I graduated from Yale University. I was a cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.
I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas in 1975. I
bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company
went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took
land using taxpayer money.
With the help of my father and our right-wing friends in the oil
industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected Governor of Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR:
I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making
Texas the most polluted state in the Union. (where, I know personnaly, he not that loved)
During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden
city in America.
I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.
I set the record for the most executions by any Governor in American history.
With the help of my brother, the Governor of Florida, and my father's
appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by
over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one
billion dollars per week.
I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.
I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.
I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any
12-month period.
I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the
U.S. stock market.
I am the first president in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal
record.
I set the the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one year
period.
After taking-off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst
security failure in U.S.history.
I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a
WMD.
In my State Of The Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking
Iraq, then blamed the lies on our British friends.
I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S.
president.
In my first year in office over 2-million Americans lost their jobs and
that trend continues every month.
I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any
president in U.S. history.
I set the record for least amount of press conferences than any
president since the advent of television.
I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to
intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.
I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in
duty benefits for active duty troops and their families -- in war time.
I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to
simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people)
shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of
mankind.
I've broken more international treaties than any president in U.S.
history.
I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any
administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza
Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.
I am the first president in U.S. history to order an unprovoked,
pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I
did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S.
citizens, and the world community.
I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in
the history of the United States government .
I am the first president in U.S. history to have the United Nations
remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.
I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. prisoners of war"
(detainees) and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.
I am the first president in history to refuse United Nations election
inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).
I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most
corporate campaign donations.
My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends,
Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in
U.S. history. My political party used the Enron private jets and
corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court
during my election decision. I have protected my friends at Enron and
Halliburton against investigation or prosecution. More time and money
was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent
investigating one of the biggest corporate ripoffs in history.
I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center
attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country
in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.
I am first president in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%)
view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.
I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded
government contracts.
I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden and
Saddam Hussein to justice.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
All records of my tenure as Governor of Texas are now in my father's
library, sealed, and unavailable for public view.
All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my
bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public
view.
All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President,
attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and
unavailable for public review.

Please consider my experience when voting in 2004
END

I'm not laughing. You?

Did I already put this in?

---

JUSTIFIED HOMICIDE

One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her
husband in bed with another woman.. She became violent and ended up pushing
him off the balcony of their 20th-floor assisted-living apartment, killing him
instantly. Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was
asked if she had anything to say in defense of herself. "Your Honor,"
she began coolly,
"I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly."

How we learn

---

Things my Mother taught me

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to
kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of
the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up,
I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. 'If you fall out of that swing and
break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in
case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something
to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and
eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt
on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that
spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a
tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told
you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this
world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like
your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate
children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother ! taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get
home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when
you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your
eyes, They are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know
when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your
vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do
you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll
understand."

25. And my favorite: my mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll
have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

NEWS, OR SOMETHING LIKE IT...

---

WASHINGTON (AP) - Former weapons inspector David Kay said Wednesday "we were almost all wrong" about Saddam Hussein's weapons programs.
Republicans say the nation's intelligence agencies were the problem. Democrats point to the White House, questioning possible pressure put on intelligence analysts and noting Vice President Dick Cheney's continued assertions that weapons of mass destruction existed.

Read the full story from a TX small, well not too small, town paper; http://www.tylerpaper.com/

Well,Redneck, Yes or NO

---

Here's proof that you are a well-bred redneck...
1. If you have a complete set of salad bowls and
they all say Cool Whip on the side.

> > 2. If the biggest city you've ever been to is
Wal-Mart

> > 3. If your working TV sits on top of your
non-working TV

> > 4. If you thought the Unabomber was a
wrestler.

> > 5. If you've ever used your ironing board as a
buffet table.

> > 6. If you think a quarter horse is that ride
out in front of the K-Mart.

> > 7. If your neighbors think you're a detective
because a cop always brings you home.

> > 8. If a tornado hits your neighborhood and
does $100,000 dollars worth of improvement.

9. If you've ever used a toilet brush as a back
scratcher.

> > 10. If you've ever asked the preacher "How's
it hangin?"

> > 11. If you missed 5th grade graduation because
you had jury duty.

> 12. If you think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.

> > 13. If somebody tells you that you've got something
in your teeth and you take them out to see what it is.

> > 14. If you've ever stared at a can of orange
juice because it said concentrate.

15. If you have ever been too drunk to fish.

Ok, there's # 3, Jack Paar dies

---

Late-night icon Jack Paar, the onetime Tonight Show host who blazed the way for Carson, Letterman and Leno before quitting at the top of his game, died Tuesday at age 85. The legendary entertainer, who introduced the sofa-and-desk format to late-night television, hosted NBC's Tonight Show from 1957 to 1962, serving as the bridge between original host Steve Allen and Johnny Carson.

Outwardly humble, Paar once told listeners, "It's almost impossible to dislike me because I do nothing."

Paar was brought in to rescue the ailing Tonight Show in 1957, six months after the departure of original host Steve Allen (news). He wasted no time bringing the show up to, well, par, changing the format from variety to talk and bringing a who's-who guest list to his sofa, including Richard Nixon and Judy Garland (news) and newcomers like Woody Allen (news), Bill Cosby (news), Bob Newhart (news) and the Smothers Brothers..

He is survived by his wife of six decades, Miriam, and daughter Randy. God bless and and kept you Sir.
Thanks to E! Online for their input

Food for thought on the safty of your ID

---

FYI, head's up everyone!

Keep a watch out for people standing near you at retail
stores, restaurants, grocery stores, ATMs, etc., that have a cell phone in
hand.

With the new camera cell phones, they can take a picture of your credit
card, which gives them your name, number, and expiration date.

Identification theft is one of the fastest growing scams today, and this
is just another example of how ez it is for others to "GET YA".
So... be aware of your surroundings. TY, M

Just got an email from Norton the anti-virus people, update now Monday 1-26-04

---

What is W32.Novarg.A@mm and how does it affect me?

W32.Novarg.A@mm is an encrypted mass-mailing worm that arrives as an attachment, with either a .exe, .scr, .zip, or .pif extension.

Note: Symantec Consumer products that support Worm Blocking functionality automatically detect this threat as it attempts to spread.

The worm creates a mass mailing of itself, which may:

1. Clog mail servers or degrade network performance
2. Impact system performance

This worm is currently undergoing analysis. The record at Security Response will be updated as information becomes available.


To read more about the W32.Novarg.A@mm, please click here.


What action can I take from here?

Go to Symantec Security Response for posted virus
definitions!
All users of Norton AntiVirus
who do not have up-to-date virus protection should
immediately run LiveUpdate for protection from
W32.Novarg.A@mm.

Virus definitions are available via the LiveUpdate feature in the Norton AntiVirus product or the Symantec Security Response Web site.

Symantec Security Response encourages all Norton AntiVirus users to regularly download virus

I think I may have made a new friend

---

And we meet at a piano Bar. Both having gone there to listen to the piano player. And as it turns out he's "on the Radio". On
Sunday 9 to 11PM and Monday 10 to 1AM at KXJZ 88.9.
And would you know it, I miss him last night the first time I would have been able to catch him. But I'll get him toight & next Sunday. I put him on my Yahoo calenar. You can hear him too over the net, at http://www.csus.edu/npr/grid2.html
His Bio at KXJZ:
http://www.csus.edu/npr/bombal.html
Radio over the net is getting to be quit something. Love a station that's now across the country for you now. Check out this website to see if they are broadcasting over the net, if they are you in if you can use your computer to listen to them.

Better to be pissed off, than on??

---

True telephone story or not it sounds like it could happen this way

An elderly lady, with a dog, called Verizon to say that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called; and that on the few occasions when it did ring her dog always barked before the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady. He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring but the dog barked loudly and then the telephone did ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:

1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground post via an iron chain and collar.
2. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called.
3. After several such jolts, the dog would start barking and urinate on the ground.
4. The wet ground would complete the circuit and the phone would ring.

Which shows you that some problems can be fixed by just "pissing on them".

WE'RE "2 4 2" on Mars

---

http://marsrovers.jpl.nasa.gov/home/index.html

Hay, who put us in this hole? See first pic from OPPORTUNITY watch updates now.

And I watched on NASA's TV over the Internet. And you can still get update, try it.

WAY TO GO GUYS!!! And gonrats.

Try typing Oppotyunity's in word and watch "MS Word" does... Try to kept up Redmond.

Do you Remember Hearing the full Sentencing of the "shoe bomber"?

---

Remember the guy who got on a plane with a bomb built into his shoe and
tried to light it? Did you see/hear any of the judge's comments on TV/Radio?

Didn't think so. Liberal media at work again! Everyone should hear what
the judge had to say.

Ruling by Judge William Young U.S. District Court

Prior to sentencing, the Judge asked the defendant if he had anything to
say. His response:

After admitting his guilt to the court for the record, Reid also admitted
his "allegiance to Osama bin Laden, to Islam, and to the religion of
Allah," defiantly stated: "I think I ought not apologize for my actions,"
and told the court "I am at war with your country."

Judge Young then delivered the statement quoted below, a stinging
condemnation of Reid in particular and terrorists in general.

January 30, 2003 United States vs. Reid.

Judge Young:

"Mr. Richard C. Reid, hearken now to the sentence the Court imposes upon
you. On counts 1, 5 and 6 the Court sentences you to life in prison in the
custody of the United States Attorney General.

On counts 2, 3, 4 and 7, the Court sentences you to 20 years in prison on
each count, the sentence on each count to run consecutive with the other.
That's 80 years.

On count 8 the Court sentences you to the mandatory 30 years consecutive to
the 80 years just imposed. The Court imposes upon you each of the eight
counts a fine of $250,000 for the aggregate fine of $2 million. The Court
accepts the government's recommendation with respect to restitution and
orders restitution in the amount of $298.17 to Andre Bousquet and $5,784 to
American Airlines.

The Court imposes upon you the $800 special assessment.

The Court imposes upon you five years supervised release simply because the
law requires it. But the life sentences are real life sentences so I need
go no further. This is the sentence that is provided for by our statutes.
It is a fair and just sentence. It is a righteous sentence.

Let me explain this to you. We are not afraid of you or any of your
terrorist co-conspirators, Mr. Reid. We are Americans. We have been
through the fire before. There is all too much war talk here. And I say
that to everyone with the utmost respect.

Here in this court, where we deal with individuals as individuals, and care
for individuals as individuals. As human beings, we reach out for justice.

You are not an enemy combatant. You are a terrorist. You are not a
soldier in any war. You are a terrorist. To give you that reference, to
call you a soldier, gives you far too much stature. Whether it is the
officers of government who do it or your attorney who does it, or that
happens to be your view, you are a terrorist.

And we do not negotiate with terrorists. We do not treat with terrorists.
We do not sign documents with terrorists. We hunt them down one by one and
bring them to justice.

So war talk is way out of line in this court. You are a big fellow. But
you are not that big. You're no warrior. I know warriors. You are a
terrorist. A species of criminal guilty of multiple attempted murders.

In a very real sense, State Trooper Santiago had it right when you first
were taken off that plane and into custody and you wondered where the press
and where the TV crews were, and he said you're no big deal. You're no
big deal. What your counsel, what your able counsel and what the equally
able United States attorneys have grappled with and what I have as honestly
as I know how tried to grapple with, is why you did something so horrific.

What was it that led you here to this courtroom today? I have listened
respectfully to what you have to say. And I ask you to search your heart
and ask yourself what sort of unfathomable hate led you to do what you are
guilty and admit you are guilty of doing.

And I have an answer for you. It may not satisfy you. But as I search
this entire record, it comes as close to understanding as I know. It
seems to me you hate the one thing that is most precious.You Hate Our
Freedom Our individual freedom. Our individual freedom to live as we
choose, to come and go as we choose, to believe or not believe as we
individually choose.

Here, in this society, the very winds carry freedom. They carry it
everywhere from sea to shining sea. It is because we prize individual
freedom so much that you are here in this beautiful courtroom. So that
everyone can see, truly see that justice is administered fairly,
individually, and discretely. It is for freedom's sake that your lawyers
are striving so vigorously on your behalf and have filed appeals, will go
on in their representation of you before other judges.

We are about it. Because we all know that the way we treat you, Mr. Reid,
is the measure of our own liberties.

Make no mistake though. It is yet true that we will bare any burden, pay
any price, to preserve our freedoms. Look around this courtroom.

Mark it well. The world is not going to long remember what you or I say
here. Day after tomorrow it will be forgotten.
But this, however, will long endure. Here in this courtroom and courtrooms
all across America, the American people will gather to see that justice,
individual justice, justice, not war, individual justice is in fact being
done.

The very President of the United States through his officers will have to
come into courtrooms and lay out evidence on which specific matters can be
judged, and juries of citizens will gather to sit and judge that evidence
democratically, to mold and shape and refine our sense of justice.

See that flag, Mr. Reid? That's the flag of the United States of America.
That flag will fly there long after this is all forgotten. That flag
stands for freedom. You know it always will.

Custody, Mr. Officer. Stand him down!"

END

So, how much of this Judge's comments did we hear on our TV sets? This Blog as I have said "at the Top of the page is for jokes, thoughts, feeling etc. As I find more and more OTHER places to get NEWS I find that more and more I'm finding out more and more from OUTSIDE the US. The BBC.com is just one. It just is so differant, the slant you can get on the US from outside of it.

The best way to SEE yourself is to ask how others see you.

And the smartest people ask the most questions.

Title line

---

Test using the title line. TY, T

Just in case your a little Political
NOW with Bill Moyers
Friday, January 23 at 9PM on PBS on the west coast.
(Check local listings at http://www.pbs.org/now/sched.html )

=============================================================
This week on NOW:

* Who's pulling the strings behind U.S. climate
change policy? A behind-the-scenes look at the inner
workings of a powerful lobby of energy companies at
a key UN conference on global warming in ODE TO
KYOTO.
* Charting the Conservative course. Bill Moyers
talks to Conservative Political Action Conference
chairman David Keene, direct from the summit expected
to set the Conservative Republican agenda this
year.
* On the election frontline. In New Hampshire an
acclaimed elementary school principal tells David
Brancaccio what the politics of the presidential race
really means to the lives of individual citizens.
* A NOW What? with Bill Moyers.

=============================================================
ODE TO KYOTO

Some environmentalists point to the deadly heat
wave in Europe last summer and the bone-chilling cold
in the northeast this winter as evidence of
dangerous changes in the world's weather. They also
contend that the energy industry has fueled a stealth
campaign to confuse the public about the hard science
linking greenhouse gases to erratic climate
changes. NOW examines the powerful forces at work to
prevent the U.S. from ratifying the Kyoto Protocol, an
international treaty limiting the production of
greenhouse gases most mainstream scientists believe is
behind global warming. At a key UN meeting in
Milan, NOW takes a behind-the-scenes look at the
organized lobbying effort aimed at stopping the treaty
from becoming a reality.

=============================================================
DAVID KEENE

With Vice President Cheney and Senate Majority
Leader Bill Frist as conference headliners, the
Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) is sure to
be a crucial event in setting the Conservative
Republican agenda this year. Bill Moyers talks to
David Keene, chairman of the 31st Annual CPAC and
chairman of the American Conservative Union, the oldest
and largest grassroots conservative organization.
Keene talks to Moyers about what conservatives are
thinking about on such issues as the deficit,
immigration, and civil liberties, and discusses some of
the divisions within the conservative movement
today.

=============================================================
MARC BOYD

Amidst an armada of pollsters and pundits in New
Hampshire this week, David Brancaccio gets an
on-the-ground view from the principal of Maple Avenue
Elementary School in Goffstown to find out how relevant
he thinks the politics of the presidential campaign
is to the lives of individual citizens. Brancaccio
interviews Marc Boyd, who was named the 2004
Outstanding Elementary Principal of the Year by the New
Hampshire Association of School Principals, about
what really matters to the citizens of the Granite
State in this first-in-the-nation presidential
primary.

=============================================================
NOW WITH BILL MOYERS continues online at PBS.org
(www.pbs.org/now). Log on to the site for a
conservative debate on the deficit; for a primer on climate
change; for a history of the concept of global
warming; for a chance to tell us which campaign issues
are most important to you; and more.

---

HUMOR
Golf Tips for Men

1. Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.
2. Form a loose grip.
3. Keep your head down.
4. Avoid a quick back swing.
5. Stay out of the water.
6. Try not to hit anyone.
7. If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you.
8. Don't stand directly in front of others.
9. Quiet please! while others are preparing to go.
10. Don't take extra strokes.

Very good! Now, flush the urinal, wash your hands, go outside and tee off.

Check this out . . . it's pretty amazing!

The link below opens with a picture of earth from 10 million light years away and zooms in at a factor of ten,
and another ten, and another ten, down to the quarks in an atom of a leaf.


CLICK BELOW:

http://micro.magnet.fsu.edu/primer/java/scienceopticsu/powersof10/

After you look at it once you can back it up and zoom out into the universe.

---

D, Advising at keen as The Webster

On the eve of the "State of the Union" speach

A major research institution (MRI?) has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element has been tentatively named Governmentium.


Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.


These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of governmentium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.


Governmentium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.


This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.

Author Unknown, but can be called a READER of History

---

HUMOR
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder
>
>Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit
>Disorder. This is how it manifests:
>
>I decided to wash my car. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there
>is mail on the hall table. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the
>car. I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the trashcan
>under the table, and notice that the trashcan is full.
>
>
>So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash
>first. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take
>out the trash anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
>
>
>I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only one check
>left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go to my desk where
>I find the bottle of soda that I had been drinking.
>
>I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the soda aside so
>that I don't accidentally knock it over. I see that the soda is getting
>warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
>
>As I head toward the kitchen with the soda, a vase of flowers on the counter
>catches my eye--they need to be watered. I set the soda down on the counter,
>and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.
>
>I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the
>flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with
>water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen
>table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, we will be looking for
>the remote, but nobody will remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I
>decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the
>flowers.
>
>I splash some water on the flowers, but most of it spills on the floor. So,
>I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the
>spill.
>
>Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
>
>At the end of the day: the car isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, there is
>a warm bottle of soda sitting on the counter, the flowers aren't watered,
>there is still only one check in my checkbook, I can't find the remote, I
>can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
>
>Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled
>because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired. I realize this
>is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll
>check my e-mail.
>
>Do me a favor, will you? Forward this message to everyone you know, because
>I don't remember to whom it has been sent.

---

HUMOR, I think
Why Women are the way the are

It starts for them when they start to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years
old only to find anything
that comes in contact with those tender, blooming
buds hurts so bad it
brings us to tears. Enter the almighty,
uncomfortable training bra
contraption the boys in school will snap until we
have calluses on our
backs. Next, we get our periods in our early to
mid-teens (or sooner).
Along with those budding boobs, we now bloat, we
cramp, we get the hormone
crankies, have to wear little mattresses between our
legs or insert
tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even
know we had.

Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not)
is having sex for the
first time which is about as much fun as having a
ramrod push your uterus
through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't
end up with his little

cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what
all the fuss was about.
Then it's off to Motherhood where we learn to live
on dry crackers and
water for a few months so we don't spend the entire
day leaning over
Brother John.

Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we
are), we learn to live
with the growing little angels inside us steadily
kicking our innards night
and day making us wonder if we're having Rosemary's
Baby. Our once flat
bellies now look like we swallowed a watermelon
whole and we pee our pants
every time we sneeze.

When the big moment arrives, the dam in our blessed
Nether Regions will
invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and
we'll waddle with our
big cartoon feet moaning in pain all the way to the
ER. Then it's huff and
puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop
screaming, Mrs.
Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more (or 10
) good push,"
warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch
the bastard (and hubby)

square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling,
mushroom-headed 10lb.
bowling ball through a keyhole.

After that, it's time to raise those angels only to
find that when all that
"cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings
morph into walking,
jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking
little poop machines. The
teen years. Need I say more? The kids are almost
grown now and we women hit
our voracious sexual prime in our mid-30's to early
40's while hubby had
his somewhere around his 18th birthday (which just
happens to be the reason
all that early hot man sex got you pregnant in the
first place).

Now we hit the grand finale: "The Menopause," the
Grandmother of all
womanhood. It's either take the HRT and chance
cancer in those now seasoned
"buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or,
sweat like a hog in July,
wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the
head off anything that
moves.

Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than
men when men get off

so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being
able to pee in the woods
without soaking their socks...

Now I love being a woman but "Womanhood" would make
the Great Ghandi a tad
crabby.

Women are the "weaker sex."? Yeah right.

This link will be added to the links over in the sidebar part to the page. It's my wish that anyone who emails read it. It is http://www.hoaxbusters.org/ Before sending on garbage read or send it there. PLEASE!

HUMOR

On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
********************************************

On a Septic Tank Truck sign:
"We're #1 in the #2 business."
**************************

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
**************************
At a Proctologist's door
"To expedite your visit please back in."
**************************
On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
**************************

On a Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.."
**************************

Pizza Shop Slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."
**************************

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
**************************

On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
**************************

At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
**************************

On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
**************************

In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
**************************

On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
**************************

At an Optometrist's Office
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
**************************

On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
**************************

In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
**************************

On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."
**************************

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
**************************

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
**************************

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
**************************

At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."
**************************

In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."
**************************

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
**************************



At a Propane Filling Station,
"Thank heaven for little grills."
**************************

And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak

---

Humor
A Bear in a Bar - - - -

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the
bar with his paw and demands a beer.

The bartender approaches and says,
"We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.
The bartender tells him again, more forcefully,
"We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, very angry now, says,
"If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."

The bartender says,
"Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings."

The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman.

He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states,
"Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."

The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs."


.........You're gonna love this..........


The bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."

---

Humor
Women's Humor

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his

sweatshirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to

me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"


It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

And they say blondes are dumb...

_______________________


A couple is lying in bed. The man says,

"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world"

The woman says, "I'll miss you..."

_______________________


"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he

stepped out of the shower, "honey,

what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn

like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.


_______________________


He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to make

love to you really badly.

She said - Well, you succeeded.


______________________


He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?

She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board

while I sit on the sofa and fart.


_______________________


He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I

gave you?

She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror

______________________


Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor


_______________________


A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their

40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to

them and said that because they had been such a devoted couple she

would grant each of them a very special wish.


The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.

Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...

Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!

Gotta love that fairy!

__________________


AND THE BEST ONE YET...


A WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST:


She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

And her husband is on the back of the milk carton

A PRAYER....


Dear Lord,

I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;

Love to forgive him;

And Patience for his moods.

Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,

I'll beat him to death.

AMEN

---

Humor
FOR THOSE WHO ENJOY LANGUAGE
>
>Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
>A backward poet writes inverse.
>A man's home is his castle, in a manor of
speaking.
>Dijonvu - the same mustard as before.
>Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
>A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
>A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
>Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor
play.
>Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
>Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
>When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
>A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two
tired.
>What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead
giveaway.)
>Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a
banana.
>In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your
count votes.
>She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg
but broke it off.
>A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
>If you don't pay your exorcist, you get
repossessed.
>With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
>When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
>The man who fell into an upholstery machine is
fully recovered.
>You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge
it.
>Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down
under.
>He often broke into song because he couldn't find
the key.
>Every calendar's days are numbered.
>A lot of money is tainted - 'taint yours and
'taint mine.
>A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
>He had a photographic memory that was never
developed.
>A plateau is a high form of flattery.
>A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is
a small medium at large.
>Those who get too big for their britches will be
exposed in the end.
>Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen
a mall.
>Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know
basis.
>Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses

Humor

A car company can move its factories to Mexico and claim it's a free market
A toy company can outsource to a Chinese subcontractor and claim it's a free market
A major bank can incorporate in Bermuda to avoid taxes and claim it's a free market
We can buy HP Printers made in Mexico. We can buy shirts made in Bangladesh

We can purchase almost anything we want from many different countries
BUT,
heaven help the elderly who dare to buy their prescription drugs from a
Canadian (Or Mexico) pharmacy. That's called un-American!

And you think the pharmaceutical companies don't have a powerful lobby?
Think again!

---

Humor It's best to read it out loud.


A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory and she
reports for her
first day promptly at 8:00 am. The next day at 8:45 am there is
a knock at the
Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman from the assembly line
throws open the
door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains
that she is
incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the
entire plant
behind schedule. The Personnel Manager decides that he should
see this for
himself so the two men march down to the factory floor. When
they get there
the line is so backed up that there are Elmos all over the
floor and they're really
beginning to pile up. At the end of the line
stands the new employee. She has a roll of red plush fabric and
a big bag of
marbles. The men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece
of fabric, wraps
it around two marbles and begins to sew the little package
between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several
minutes of hysterics
he pulls himself together and approaches the woman. "I'm
sorry," he says to
her, (barely able to keep a straight face)" but I think you
misunderstood me
yesterday. Your job is to give each Elmo two test tickles."

---

Humor
He misses Clinton

There was a black comedian on Canadian TV
who said he misses Bill Clinton.
"Yep, that's right - I miss Bill Clinton!
"He was the closest thing we ever got to having a
black man as President.
"Number 1 - He played the sax.
"Number 2 - He smoked weed."
"and Number 3 - He messed with ugly white women.
"Even now - Look at him.....His wife works and he don't.
And he gets a check from the government every month."

---

WHAT WAS MY MOTHER THINKING?

How ever did we survive??? Life was sure different in days gone by.

My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread
mayo on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach,
but we didn't seem to get food poisoning.

My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter
AND I used to eat it raw sometimes too, but I can't remember getting
E-coli.

Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake instead
of a pristine pool (talk about boring).

The term cell phone would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell, and
a pager was the school PA system.

We all took gym, not PE ... and risked permanent injury with a pair of
high top Ked's (only worn in gym) instead of having cross-training
athletic shoes with air cushion soles and Built in light reflectors. I
can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they
tell us how much safer we are now.


Flunking gym was not an option ... even for stupid kids! I guess PE
must be much harder than gym.

Every year, someone taught the whole school a
lesson by running in the halls with leather soles on linoleum tile and
hitting the wet spot.

How much better off would we be today if we only knew we could have
sued the school system.

Speaking of school, we all said prayers and sang the national anthem
and staying in detention after school caught all sorts of negative
attention. We must have had horribly damaged psyches.

I can't understand it. Schools didn't offer 14 year olds an abortion
or condoms (we wouldn't have known what either was
anyway) but they did give us a couple of baby aspirin and cough syrup
if we started getting the sniffles. What an archaic health system we
had then. Rememberschool nurses? Ours wore a hat and everything.

I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself.


I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, Play Station,
Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital cable stations.

I must be repressing that memory as I try to rationalize through the
denial of the dangers could have befallen us as we trekked off each
day about a mile down the road to some guy's vacant
20, built forts out of branches and pieces of plywood, made trails, and
fought over who got to be the Lone Ranger. What was that property owner
thinking, letting us play on that lot? He should have been locked up
for not putting up a fence around the property, complete with a
self-closing gate and an infrared intruder alarm.

Oh yeah ... and where was the Benadryl and sterilization kit when I
got that bee sting? I could have been killed!

We played king of the hill on piles of gravel left on vacant
construction sites and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48 cent
bottle of Mercurochrome and then we got our butt spanked. Now it's a
trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $49 bottle
of antibiotics and then Mom calls the attorney to sue the contractor for
leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.

We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either because if we did, we
got our butt spanked (physical abuse) here too ... and then we got
butt spanked again when we got home.

Mom invited the door to door salesman inside for coffee, kids choked
down the dust from the gravel driveway while playing with Tonka trucks
(Remember why Tonka trucks were made tough...it wasn't so that they
could take the rough Berber in the family room), and Dad drove a car
with leaded gas.

Our music had to be left inside when we went out to play and I am sure
that I nearly exhausted my imagination a couple of times when we went
on two week vacations. I should probably sue the folks now for the danger
they put us in when we all slept in campgrounds in the family tent.

Summers were spent behind the push lawn mower and I didn't even know
that mowers came with motors until I was 13 and we got one without an
automatic blade-stop or an auto-drive.

How sick were my parents? Of course my parents weren't the only
psychos. I recall Donny Reynolds from next door coming over and doing his
tricks on the front stoop just before he fell off. Little did his Mom know
that she could have owned our house. Instead she picked him up and swatted him for being such a goof. It was a neighborhood run amuck.

To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they
were from a dysfunctional family. How could we possibly have known that?
We needed to get into group therapy and anger management classes? We
were obviously so duped by so many societal ills, that we didn't even notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac!

Think on it!

Humor

This is fascinating... While drinking a cosmopolitan, contemplate the following:


Vodka.. Who would have thunk it??

1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka.
The solvent dissolves the adhesive.

2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray
bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set five minutes and wash
clean.
The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.

3. To clean your eyeglasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean cloth
dampened with vodka. The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and kills
germs.

4. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your
safety
razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The vodka disinfects the
blade
and prevents rusting.

5. Spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with a brush, then blot dry.

6. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse
the
skin and tighten pores.

7. Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol
cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair, and stimulates the growth
of
healthy hair.

8. Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle and spray bees or wasps to kill
them.

9. Pour one-half cup vodka and one-half cup water in a Ziplock freezer bag,
and freeze for a slushy, refreshable ice pac for aches, pain, or black
eyes..

10. Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar with freshly packed lavender flowers,
fill
the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly and set in the sun for three
days. Strain
liquid through a coffee filter, then apply the tincture to aches and
pains.

11. Make your own mouthwash by mixing nine tablespoons powered cinnamon
with one cup vodka. Seal in an airtight container for two weeks.
Strain through
a coffee filter. Mix with warm water and rinse your mouth. Don't
swallow.

12. Using a q-tip, apply vodka to a cold sore to help it dry out.

13. If a blister opens, pour ! vodka over the raw skin as a local anesthetic
that also
disinfects the exposed dermis.

14. To treat dandruff, mix one cup vodka with two teaspoons crushed
rosemary,
let sit for two days, strain through a coffee filter and massage into
your scalp
and let dry.

15. To treat an earache put a few drops of vodka in your ear. Let set for a
few
minutes. Then drain. The vodka will kill the bacteria that is causing
pain in
your ear.

16. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest and back
as a liniment.

17. To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka.

18. Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting.

19. Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy to remove the urushiol
oil
from your skin.

20. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth. Allow your gums to absorb
some
of the alcohol to numb the pain.

AND
21. If all else fails, just turn the bottle up and drink it, nothing will
matter anymore anyway!

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we
take,
but by the moments that take our breath away

---

Are you a "green" person? Some info for ya if you a greenie

Solution for Airline Problems

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

---

To: The airline industry
Dear Sirs,
I have the solution for the prevention of hijackings, while at the
same time getting our airline industry back on its feet. Since men
of the Muslim religion are not allowed to look at naked women, we
should replace all of our female flight attendants with strippers.
Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing a
naked woman, and of course, every businessman in this country would
start flying again in hope of seeing a naked woman.
We would have no more hijackings and the airline industry would have
record sales. Now why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still
have to do everything myself?
Sincerely,
Bill Clinton


MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

---

Former Vice President Al Gore has just given a major speech on the environment and global warming, before a packed house of MoveOn members in New York. The speech was deeply moving, sometimes humorous, and ultimately scathing in its critique of the Bush administration's assault on our environment.

View it:
http://www.moveon.org/gore3/webcast.html

---

There is NO such thing as a dum question, there are some that come close, "I haven't got a computer. Is the Internet available in book form?"

There is nothing new about this “funny”. I put it in more as a political statement than a joke because now we don't have this kind of a country anymore. Think about it. If you’re not a multi-Billion dollar international corp. with your own political persons bought and paid for you’re nothing but a means to a CEO's dreams.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
> You have two cows.
> You sell one and buy a bull.
> Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
> You sell them and retire on the income.
>
> ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:
> You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company,
> using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then
> execute a
> debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four
> cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six
> cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company
secretly
> owned by the majority
> shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed
> company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an
option
> on one
> more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving
you
> with
> nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys
your
> bull.
>
> AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: DISNEY, K-MART, etc.
> You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk
of
> four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
>
> A FRENCH CORPORATION:
> You have two cows.
> You go on strike because you want three cows.
>
> A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
> You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
> ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow
> cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them world-wide.
>
> A GERMAN CORPORATION:
> You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat
once
> a
> month, and milk themselves.
>
> A BRITISH CORPORATION:
> You have two cows.
> Both are mad.
>
> AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
> You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
>
> A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
> You have two cows.
> You count them and learn you have five cows.
> You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
> You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
> You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
>
> A SWISS CORPORATION:
> You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
> You charge others for storing them.
>
> A HINDU CORPORATION:
> You have two cows.
> You worship them.
>
> A CHINESE CORPORATION:
> You have two cows.
> You have 300 people milking them.
> You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the
newsman
> who reported the numbers.
>
> AN ISRAELI CORPORATION:
> So, there are these two Jewish cows, right?
> They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie
> rights.
> They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?
>
> A WEST VIRGINIA CORPORATION:
> You have two cows.
> That one on the left is kinda cute.

---

Top Idiots of the year 2003, 1 thou 7.

> Number One Idiot of 2003
> >
> > I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at
the
> > poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because
> > she
> > caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that
> the
> > ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter
> > into
> > the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation
> > happened
> > to
> > mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to
> > kill
> > the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the
> > Emergency
> > room right away.
> >
> > Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
> >
> > #########################################################
> >
> > Number Two Idiot of 2003
> >
> > Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to
steal
> > a
> > life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it
out
> > of
> > the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the
> river,
> > they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned
> out
> > that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that
> > activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at
> > Boeing.
> >
> > Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
> >
> > ############################################################
> >
> > Number Three Idiot of 2003
> >
> > A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the
> Branch
> > and
> >
> > wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While
> standing
> > in
> >
> > line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that
> > someone
> >
> > had seen him write the note and might call the police before he
reached
> > the
> >
> > teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the
street
> > to
> > the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed
> his
> > note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his
> > spelling
> > errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him
that
> > she
> > could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of
> > America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a
Wells
> > Fargo
> > deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
> >
> > Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was
arrested
> > a
> > few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
> >
> > Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it
anyway.
> >
> > ################################################################
> >
> > Number Four Idiot of 2003
> >
> > A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
> > measured
> > his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in
> the
> > mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he
> > sent
> > the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he
> > received
> > a
> > letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of
> > handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
> >
> > Another sign (though this guy might be onto something worth thinking
> > about)!
> >
> >
> > ################################################################
> >
> > Number Five Idiot of 2003
> >
> > A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded
all
> > of
> > the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a
bag,
> > the
> >
> > robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on
the
> > shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the
> cashier
> > refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The
robber
> > said
> > he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he
didn't
> > believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out
of
> > his
> >
> > wallet and gave it t to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed
> > that
> > the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The
> robber
> > then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called
the
> > police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off
the
> > license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
> >
> > This guy definitely needs a sign.
> >
> > ###############################################################
> >
> > Idiot Number Six of 2003
> >
> > A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
> > revolvers.
> >
> > The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the
> > startled
> > first bandit shot him.
> >
> > This guy doesn't need a sign; he probably figured it out himself.
> >
> > ###############################################################
> >
> > Idiot Number Seven of 2003
> >
> > Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that
> > he'd
> >
> > just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
> > booze,
> > and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at
> > the
> > window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on
the
> > head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was
> > made
> > of
> > Plexi- Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
> >
> > Oh, that smarts. Give him his sign!
> >

Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote.

---

An oldie but a goodie! I had to read the hold dam thing before I remember how she make out.

An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning
with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and
insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she
had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right), an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to
deposit. She paced her purse on his desk and replied, "$165,000". The
president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much
money.

The elderly woman replied that she made bets. The president
was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?"

The elderly woman replied, "Well, I'll bet you $25,000 that
your testicles are square."

The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was
impossible to win a bet like that.

The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the
president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?" "Certainly", replied the
president. "I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square."

"Done", the elderly woman answered. "But given the amount of
money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o'clock
tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness."
"No problem", said the president of the Bank confidently.

That night, the president became very nervous about the bet
and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles,
turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he
was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and
reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.

The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman
arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the
$25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.

The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made
the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants so
that she and her lawyer could see clearly. The president was happy to oblige.

The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and
asked the president if she could touch them. "Of course", said the
president. Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure."

The elderly woman did so with a little smile.

suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his
head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing
that and she replied,

"Oh, it's probably because I bet him, $125,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning, I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!"

---

From a female bartender in a Piano Bar in the Central Valley of CA.:
First one:
What's the differance between a
HoBo and a Homo?
A HoBo has no friends and a Homo has friends up the ass.

A guy walk in to a bar and he got a frog on his forhead. The bartender asks him, "Why do you have a frog on your head"?
And the FROG looks at the bartender and says, "Oh! NO, this morning I had a wart on my ass".

And this, the last, is real an "in joke" for bartenders, but; "How can you tell if your customer is a lover of Moose head"? By the antler marks on their hips".

---

Changes in the Earth Animal Behavior

Animals are great teachers and leaders. When an animal behaves in an unusual way it is important for mankind to pay attention. Animals have lived on planet earth since the beginning of time and can see and feel things that people are unaware of.

Warning signs are available to help us prepare for the earth changes in a balanced and constructive way. There are many predictions about earth changes now flooding the airwaves. Although many of these prophecies are accurate there are many more that are not. Some of the most reliable prophets are those of the animal kingdom. Because animals use their instincts to survive they are acutely attuned to any changes that might threaten their lives.

Listed below are some of the warning signs the animals offer us. We can choose to accept or reject them. Please use your own discernment regarding them.
* * *
Warning Signs
Cause & Effect

Warning:
The bears come out of hibernation during the winter months changing sleep habits and becoming aggressive.
Cause:
The magma starts to rise in what is believed to be dead volcanoes. The ground will warm up and the bears will
think it is spring.

Warning:
When snakes begin to migrate out of their dens.
Cause:
The snakes will feel the earth tremors taking place which will drive them out of their dens.

Warning:
The birds appear confused and start flying in unusual formation. Aggressive behavior is noticed and results in a change of their migratory flight habits.
Cause:
As the magnetic fields begin to shift birds start to correct their migratory flight paths because of the new alignment taking effect on earth.

Warning:
When domestic dogs and cats begin to show signs of odd behavior, nervous energy and restlessness.
Cause:
Domesticated animals are hearing sound waves that are not normally within their known territory.

Warning:
Increasing numbers of flying insects with unusual aggressive behavior.
Cause:
More airborne and man made viruses. Insects will feed as well as breed on them.

Warning:
When marine life starts to beach themselves in numbers, or become agressive and initiate attacks on man.
Cause:
Polluted waters and chemical toxins in the oceans, rivers and streams affect their sensory organs and behavior patterns.

* * *
"An Native American grandfather was talking to his grandson about how he felt. He said, I feel as if I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is the vengeful, angry, violent one. The other wolf is the loving, compassionate one.
The grandson asked him, "Which wolf will win the fight in your heart"?

The grandfather answered, "The one I feed."

SOME RAMBLINGS of a RETIRED MIND
I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones
that everyone has clipped on. I can't afford one so I'm wearing my
garage door opener.

---

Humor
Surgery

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to
each other, outside the operating room.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when
I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you
lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze."
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A Circumcision."
And the second kid says, "Whoa, Good luck buddy, I had that done when I
was born. Couldn't walk for a year."

---

A truck driver
was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up
that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is
right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are
backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets
out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands
on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says,
"No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

---

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance.

---

Screwed again?

A car company can move its factories to Mexico and claim it's a free market.

A toy company can outsource to a Chinese subcontractor and claim it's a free market.

A major bank can incorporate in Bermuda to avoid taxes and claim it's a free market.

We can buy HP Printers made in Mexico. We can buy shirts made in Bangladesh and Mauritius.

Airlines and many other "service oriented industries" move their customer support departments to India and hire locally to save millions. If you have spoken to one of them you probably had a 40% increase in your blood pressure and did not get your problem resolved!


We can purchase almost anything we want from many different countries BUT, heaven help the elderly who dare to buy their prescription drugs from a Canadian (Or Mexico) pharmacy. That's called un-American!

And you think the pharmaceutical companies don't have a powerful lobby? Think again!

Take one of these a day till they run out:

SOME RAMBLINGS of a RETIRED MIND
You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people
didn't like me anyway.

SOME RAMBLINGS of a RETIRED MIND
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on
beer cans!


SOME RAMBLINGS of a RETIRED MIND
I was thinking about old age and decided that it is when you still have
something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.
........ ...............

SOME RAMBLINGS of a RETIRED MIND
I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and call it
"Pumping Rust."
........................

SOME RAMBLINGS of a RETIRED MIND
I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease ... that's when your chest
is falling into your drawers! .........................

SOME RAMBLINGS of a RETIRED MIND
You know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have
you got a cat?" Just once I wanted to say, "No, it's for company!"
..........................

SOME RAMBLINGS of a RETIRED MIND
Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case
of an emergency. I think you should write, "A Good Doctor!"
............................

SOME RAMBLINGS of a RETIRED MIND
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we
supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why don't they just put their
pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while
they delivered the mail?


SOME RAMBLINGS of a RETIRED MIND
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more
as they get older then it dawned on me ... they were cramming for their
finals.