TIME MARCHES ON

---

Do you know what happened back in Dec. of 1850?
California became a state.

Back then, the state had no electricity.
There was no money.
Almost everyone spoke Spanish.
There were gun fights in the middle of the streets.

It was pretty much just like California is today.

Humor


A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an
examination to determine the cause of her daughters swollen abdomen. It only
took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Your daughter is pregnant." The
mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her daughter
was a good girl and would never compromise her reputation by having sex with
a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon. The
mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you
paying attention to me?" "Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's
just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and
three wise men came. I'm not going to miss it this time.

Humor

Two guys are moving about in a Walmart when their carts collide.

One says to the other, "Excuse me, but I'm looking for my wife."

"What a coincidence, so am I, and I'm getting a little desperate."

"Well, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look like?"

"She's tall, with dark hair, long legs, firm boobs, and a tight ass.

What's your wife look like?"

"Never mind, let's look for yours

Humor
There were two blondes who went deep into the frozen woods
searching for a Christmas tree.

After hours of subzero temperatures and a few close calls with
hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and said, "I'm chopping down the next tree I see. And I don't care whether it's decorated or not!"

*** Humor
One beautiful December evening Huan Cho and his girlfriend Jung Lee were
sitting by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full moon, when Huan
Cho said "Hey baby, let's play Weeweechu."

"Oh no, not now, lets look at the moon" said Jung Lee.

"Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I play Weeweechu. I love you and it's the
perfect time," Huan Cho Begged.

"But I rather just hold your hand and watch the moon."

"Please Jung Lee, just once play Weeweechu with me."

Jung Lee looked at Huan Cho and said, "OK, we'll play Weeweechu."

Huan Cho grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....
"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas,
Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."
******************************END

Taking a Chrismas Vaction till Monday Jan. 5, will do my best to kept up but can't say if computers will be there for me. Check in and like I said, I'll do my best". See how much of a type A I can be.
D, Advising at Keen, but not till 1-05-04, TY

***Golf Humor
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend,who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, "I'd give anything to sink this next putt."

A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?"

The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless, but also that perhaps this is a good omen, so he says, "Okay," and sinks the putt.

Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole."

The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?"

The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure." He makes an eagle.

On the final hole, the golfer needs yet another eagle to win.

Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?"

The golfer says, "Certainly!" He makes the eagle.

As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says, "You know, I've really not been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm the
Devil, and from now on you will have no sex life."

"Nice to meet you," says the golfer. "I'm Father O'Malley."
**************************************END

***NEWS
HERZLIYA, Israel (AP) Prime Minister Ariel Sharon says Israel will "cut itself off from Palestinians" if there is no progress toward peace in a few months.
*************************end

To the ladies!

Taking a Chrismas Vaction till Monday Jan. 5, will do my best to kept up but can't say if computers will be there for me. Check in and like I said, I'll do my best". See how much of a type A I can be.
D, Advising at Keen

Here a link to keep you from forgetting what Enron did to us, Listen to it http://www.fleshtwister.com/enron.html
and DONT FORGET THIS THE NEXT TIME YOU VOTE

****OK! lets try the Humor thing again
BOTTOM OF THE GENE POOL


MORON#1
**********
A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked
for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked
for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took
the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total
amount of cash he got from the drawer? $15.
(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MORON #2
***********
A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun.
Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS
A ****-UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard
completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because
he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief
got him. The thief ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event, the banker
later put a plaque on the wall engraved "Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a ****-up!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MORON #3
***********
Seems this Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just
throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So
he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder
block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious.
Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught
on video tape.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MORON #4
***********
As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse
and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was able to give them a
detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the
snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then
taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied
"Yes Officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MORON #5
***********
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in
Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him
down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When
the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast.
The man, frustrated, walked away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MORON #6
**********
Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the
machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel
off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck! Scared, they left
the scene and drove home......with the chain still attached to the machine.......with
their bumper still attached to the chain...... WITH their vehicle's license plate
still attached to the bumper. They were quickly arrested.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
#7 and 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!!
******************************************
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street,
he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill
man curled up next to a motorhome near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that
the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the
motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press
charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
******************************************END

****NEWS

New York Giants Fire Coach Jim Fassel

34 minutes ago


By TOM CANAVAN, AP Sports Writer

EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J. - Coach Jim Fassel was fired by the New York Giants (news) after a disappointing season that began with hopes of reaching the Super Bowl.
I GUESS IT NOT HUMOR ANY MORE TO SOME, SORRY...
**********************************END

***SPORTS HUMOR From Barbie
Little Johnny was in his 4th grade class when the teacher asked
the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came
up -- fireman, policeman, salesman, etc...
Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher
asked him about his father. "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret
and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the
offer's really good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy and make love
with him for money."
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the
other children to work on some coloring, and took Little Johnny aside to
ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"
"No," said Johnny, "He plays for the New York Giants, but I was
too embarrassed to say so.
********************************************END

***[Feeling of let-down, that how I feel.]
By MARGARET LILLARD, Associated Press Writer

KILL DEVIL HILLS, N.C. - A bald eagle soared into the sky Wednesday, a symbol of flight, as a poncho-clad crowd cheered the 100 th anniversary of man's first powered, heavier-than-air flight. But a heavy downpour scuttled plans to re-enact the flight 100 years to the minute after the seminal event.
I was up, as usually, but I was looking for all the TV cover of the "re-enactment" all over all the channels. They gave us the President's speech and that was it. I was there to 34 mins. after the hour. The pres was gone at something like 10 mins. after 7 and I couldn't find a thing by 34 after. We did get the Pres and his wonderful speach. It was raining. It's now one hour later and I don't know if they flow or not. But we did get THE SPEECH.
OK, around 2 hours late, with not enought wind there was a try at getting off the ground. And MSNBC did carry it. Oh! Did they get it in the air, part of it maybe. Well they try a 2 nd time? Maybe. I'll let ya know.
***END

Taking a Chrismas Vaction till Monday Jan. 5, will do my best to kept up but can't say if computers will be there for me. Check in and like I said, I'll do my best". See how much of a type A I can be.
D, Advising at Keen

Taking a Chrismas Vaction till Monday Jan. 5, will do my best to kept up but can't say if computers will be there for me. Check in and like I said, I'll do my best". See how much of a type A I can be.
D, Advising at Keen

More Humor from Medabeth this time on "only in CA" and it's ture
(it could be months before we hear from her again)
You know you're in California when......
1. Your coworker has 8 body piercing and none are
visible.
2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a
house.
3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people
carrying on a
conversation in English.
4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair,
a nose ring, and
is named Breeze.
5. You can't remember...is pot illegal?
6. You've been to a baby shower that has two
mothers and a sperm
donor.
7. You have a very strong opinion about where your
coffee beans are
grown, and you can taste the difference between
Sumatran and Ethiopian.
8. You know which restaurant serves the freshest
arugula.
9. You can't remember...is pot illegal?
10. A really great parking space can totally move
you to tears.
11. A low speed police pursuit will interrupt ANY
TV broadcast.
12. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere
else in the U.S.
13. A man gets on the bus in full leather regalia
and crotchless
chaps. You don't even notice.
14. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30am at
Starbucks wearing the
baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George
Clooney really IS George
Clooney.
15. Your car insurance costs as much as your house
payment.
16. Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is
gay, the woman who
delivers your mail is into S&M, and your Mary Kay
rep is a guy in drag.
17. You can't remember...is pot illegal?
18. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a
report on every news
station: "STORM WATCH 2003."
19. You have to leave the big company meeting
early because Billy
Banks himself is teaching the 4:00pm Tae Bo class.
20. You pass an elementary school playground and
the children are
all busy with their cells or pagers.
21. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you
leave for work an
hour early to avoid all the weather-related
accidents.
22. Hey!!!! Is Pot Illegal????
23. Both you AND your dog have therapists
24. Your Governor has a star on the Hollywood Walk
of Fame.
***END

More Humor

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from
the other stall saying:
"Hi, how are you?" I'm not the type to start a
conversation in the men's
restroom
but I don't know what got into me, so I answered,
somewhat embarrassed,
"Doin' just fine!" And the other guy says: "So what
are you up to?" What
kind of question is that?
At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so
I say: "Uhhh, I'm like
you, just traveling!" At this
point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can
when I hear another
question.
"Can I come over?" Ok, this question! n is just too
weird for me but I
figured I could
just be polite and end the conversation. I tell
him, "No........I'm a little
busy right now!!!"
Then I hear the guy say nervously...


"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an
idiot in the other stall who
keeps answering all my questions!!!"

This one came in to me from a lady friend, thanks Medabeth
****END

Humor

Things we learn as we get older, "Today I learned that Santa no longer arrives in a red sleigh, but drives a big brown truck". Per Frank.

D, Advising at keen

And here a web pager that's fun http://www.shockhaber.com/zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.htm

Any one who would gave up freedoms are safety, will get neither,


D, advicing at keen

"We Got him!" now I can call San Francisco " Badhdad by the bay" again.

And on the "spam" side of things, We may have a couple of them now too. WE have trails in this part of the world to find out for sure.
"Virginia indicts two on spam felony charges". Link to the full story.


D, Advicing at Keen

******* G Rated Humor *******

In the back woods of South Carolina, the redneck's
wife went into labor
in
>the middle of the night, and the doctor was called
out to assist in the
>delivery.
>Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed
the father-to-be a
lantern
>and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see
what I'm doing."
>Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa
there," said the
doctor.
>"Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down...I
think there's yet
another
one
>to come."
>Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a
baby girl.
>"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting
down that lantern...It
seems
>there's yet another one in there!" cried the
doctor.
>The Redneck scratched his head in bewilderment,
and asked the doctor,
"Do
you think it's the light that's attractin' 'em?"
****************************** END***

Any one willing to gave up freedom for safty, will get neather,
D, Advicing at Keen

NEW WORDS FOR 2004 - Essential additions for the
workplace vocabulary:


1.BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group,
discussing why a deadline
was missed or a project failed, and who was
responsible.

2. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes
a lot of noise,
craps on everything, and then leaves.

3. ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people
seem to absorb success
and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather
than working hard.

4. SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an
entire day swimming
upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
(Yep..know this
one...)

5. CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.

6. PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops
something loudly in a
cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the
walls to see what's
going on.

7. MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's
answer to the couch
potato.

8. STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on
being stressed out
and whiney.

9. SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been
rendered useless
because the magnetic strip is worn away from
extensive use.

10. XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free
photocopies from one's
workplace.

11. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of
whacking the crap out of
an electronic device to get it to work again.

12. ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational
layers beginning just
above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from
the adminisphere are

often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to
the problems they were
designed to solve.

13. 404: Someone who's clueless. From the World
Wide Web error
message"404 Not Found," meaning that the
requested document could not
be located.

14. GENERICA: Features of the American landscape
that are exactly the
same no matter where one is, such as fast food
joints, strip malls,
and
subdivisions.

15. OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time
in which you realize
that you've just fu**ed up BIG time.

16. CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously farting while
passing thru a cube
farm, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and
disgust: leads to PRAIRIE

DOGGING.
**********

First entry on the first day of the Blod for lets
D, Advicing at Keen