Happy Easter

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The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

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HAPPY EASTER!!! And yes I checked this site out, it's safe


MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Want to see your place as Washington see it?

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

---

http://terraservice.net/

MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

European Scientists Believe in Life on Mars

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The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

---

By Marcel Michelson

NOORDWIJK, Netherlands (Reuters) - European Space Agency scientists think that there was and could even still be life on Mars and want a new European mission to the red planet to take samples, a conference heard on Friday.

"Mars is the most Earth-like planet in our solar system," said Agustin Chicarro, ESA Mars Express Project Scientist at the end of a one-week conference during which scientists from around the world discussed ESA's Mars mission findings so far.

They found a large ice sea near Mars' equator that was formed less than 5 million years ago and believe volcanic activity is still continuing on the North Pole.

The findings on Mars, one year after a European launch started an orbit around the planet, also serve as a stark warning to earthlings -- Mars has no protective ozone layer and the surface is blasted by solar storms and ultraviolet light.

Water vapor destroyed ozone on Mars and a recent increase of water vapor in Earth's stratosphere could be a potential threat to this planet's protective ozone layer that is probably linked to global warming, said scientist Jean-Loup Bertaux.

"Hints of life on Mars are getting stronger," said Vittorio Formisano whose team found methane and formaldehyde on Mars.

He said there was so much methane produced on Mars that there was reason to believe this had an organic origin. "Life is probably the only source that can produce so much methane."

Everett Gibson, from NASA (news - web sites)'s Johnson Space Center, said he had held a poll among the 250 scientists at the conference.

On the question whether they thought there had been life on Mars, 75 percent replied in the affirmative. Asked whether they believed there to be life now, 25 percent said "yes."

Asked what kind of life, Gibson said "bacterial."

ICE WATER

Jean-Pierre Bibring led a team looking for traces of water. "We found water, but not in the form we envisioned."

There is no evidence of permanent oceans or lakes during the past three billion years and no extended areas with carbonates, and water on Mars today is present as ice.

Gerhard Neukum, of the High Resolution Stereo Camera team, showed several pictures of the "Frozen Sea" near the equator. The area is some 800 by 900 kilometers and the original depth was some 50 meters with ice rafts of up to 30 kilometers in size.

Mars remains a very hostile environment -- a fierce solar wind is blowing away planetary materials and penetrates deep down the dayside atmosphere while during polar night, the atmosphere is minus 130 to minus 143 degrees Celsius. But David Southwood, ESA Director of Science, said Europe should return to Mars and needs to find money for a second mission to probe deeper into its mysteries.



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

The Best "Man Hating" One Liners

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The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

---

Q: What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?

A. Shoot him again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: How can you tell when a man is well hung?

A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: Why do little boys whine?

A: They are practicing to be men.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A1: One -- he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

A2: Three -- one to screw in the bulb and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?

A: Trustworthy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?

A: Because not one will stop and ask directions.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?

A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?

A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: What is the difference between men and women?

A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals".



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Sunday School Suprises

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The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

---

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then, she asked the class,

"If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"

A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence,

"I think I'd throw up."

~**~**~**~**

STORY OF ELIJAH

The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how
Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces, and laid it upon the altar. And then, Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times.

"Now," said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?"

A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, "I know, I know," she said, "to make the gravy!"

~**~**~**~**

LOT'S WIFE

The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Johnny interrupted, "My Mommy looked back once, while she was DRIVING," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"

~**~**~**~**

DID NOAH FISH?

A Sunday school teacher asked,

"Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?"

"No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms."

~**~**~**~**

HIGHER POWER

A Sunday school teacher said to her children,

"We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?"

One child blurted out, "Aces!"

~**~**~**~**

SUNDAY SCHOOL

Nine year old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school.

"Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he
got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then, he used his walkie-talkie to
radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bomb ers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."

"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.

"Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"

~**~**~**~**

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD

A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible; Psalm 23. She gave the
youngsters a month to learn the verse.

Little Bobby was excited about the task. But, he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.

On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Bobby was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly,

"The Lord is my shepherd and that's all I need to know!"



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Three in one, that's 3 jokes in one posting

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The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

---

> > Teen-age Sex:
> > >
> > The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was
> >having sex.
> > >
> > Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the
> >family's status,
> > >
> > she consulted the family doctor.
> > >
> > The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any
> >attempt to stop
> > >
> > the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to
> >arrange for her
> > >
> > daughter to put on birth control and until then, talk to her and
> >give her a box of
> > >
> > condoms.
> > >
> > Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman
> >told her
> > >
> > about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
> > The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother saying:
> > >
> > "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"
> > >
> >
> > >
> > * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
> > Church:
> > >
> > A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the
> >preacher's
> > >
> > hand. He said "Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon.
> > Damned good!"
>
> > The preacher said, "Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use
> >profanity."
> > >
> > The man said, "I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five
> >thousand
> > >
> > dollars in the offering plate!"
> > >
> > The preacher said, "No shit?"


> > * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

> > Pancakes:
> > >
> > Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.
> > >
> > With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel
> >appeared to be in
> > >
> > good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.
> > >
> >
> > >
> > After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, "Just feed
> >him pancakes.
> > >
> > That should solve the problem."
> > The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast,there was a large
> >stack of
> > >
> > warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
> > "Gee, Mom," he exclaimed. "For me?"
> > "Just take two," Brenda replied. "The rest are for your father.


> > ******************************

> > >COWBOYS
> > An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day.
> > >
> > >The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as
> > >
> > >the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a
> > >
> > >few feet in front of the sheriff.
> > >
> > >"Howdy, stranger..."
> > >
> > >"Howdy, Sheriff..."
> > >
> > >The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted
> > >
> > >its tail, and placed a big kiss were the sun don't shine. He dropped
> > >
> > >the horse's tail, and stepped upon he walk and aimed towards the
> > >
> > >swinging doors of the saloon.
> > >
> > >"Hold on there, Mister..."
> > >
> > >"Sheriff?"
> > >
> > >"Did I just see what I think I just saw?"
> > >
> > >"Reckon you did, Sheriff...I got me some powerful chapped lips..."
> > >
> > >"And that cures them?" the Sheriff asked.
> > >
> > >"Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' em..."



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

BULLSHIT OR BRILLIANCE

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The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

---

One day, a poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long discovers

that he is lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly

in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. The poodle

thinks, "I'm in deep trouble now!" Then he notices some bones on the

ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on them with his

back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the

poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder

if there are any more around here."

Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, and a look of

terror comes over him as he slinks away into the trees.

"Whew!" says the leopard. "That was close! That poodle nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he

can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the

leopard. So, off he goes.

But the poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed,

and figures something must be up.


The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans, and

strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being

made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going

to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now the poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back,

and thinks, "What am I going to do now?"

But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his

attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get within

earshot, the poodle says...

"Where's that damn monkey?! I sent him off half an hour ago to bring

me another leopard!"

"SOMETIMES BULLSHIT AND BRILLIANCE ARE THE SAME."



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Stress Management...

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The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

---

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "how heavy is this glass of water?" Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g. The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it."

"If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. "In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."

He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on." "As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden."

"So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can." "Relax; pick them up later after you've rested. Life is short. Enjoy it!

16 Rules for dealing with the burdens of life:
1. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
2. Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
3. Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
4. Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
5. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
6. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
7. Never buy a car you can't push.
8. Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.
9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
10. Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
11. The second mouse gets the cheese.
12. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
13. Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
14. You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
15. Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
16. We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

Remember... A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

What a coincidence

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

---

A chicken farmer went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a woman patron and orders a glass of champagne.
The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
He turned to her and said, "What a coincidence. This is a special day for me; I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!," says the woman.
"What a coincidence," says the man. They clinked glasses and he asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."
"That's great!" says the woman, "how did your chickens become fertile?"
" I switched cocks," he replied.
"What a coincidence," she said.



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

'isums

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

---

I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?"

Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?!!!

===========

Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. "Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said.

"We may not have 45 minutes." They were seated immediately.

================

The reason congressmen try so hard to get re-elected is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.

====================

All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.

=======================

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

=======================

Three friends from the local congregation were asked "When you're in your casket and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say? "

Artie said: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader and a great family man."

Eugene commented: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives."

Don said: "I'd like them to say, "Look, he's moving!"

=======================

Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord. . . "God, what does a million years mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A minute." Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A penny."

Smith asks," Can I have a penny?"
The Lord replies, "In a minute".



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

One of these should make you smile

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

---

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroid's

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In quicksand?
Quattro Sinko..

11. What Do You Get From a overed Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.

12 . What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frost bite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef
And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The
Titanic?
Sanka.

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley
and a Hoover?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On their Hat.

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer
And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.

22. How is a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee
divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer

Come on, admit it. One of these made you smile, right?



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Teaching math - or not !

---

The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

---

Last week I purchased a burger for $1.58. I handed the cashier $2.00 and started digging for some change. I pulled out 8 cents and gave it
to her. She stood there with $2 and 8 cents. She looked bewildered, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register.

I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to
explain the transaction to her, she burst into tears.

The incident got me thinking about how our kids were learning math in school (or not).

Teaching Math In 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5ths of the price. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1960: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5ths of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1970: A logger exchanges a set "L" of lumber for a set of "M" of money. The cardinality of set "M" is 100. Each element is worth one dollar. Make 100 dots representing the elements of the set "M". The set "C" the cost of production, contains 20 fewer points than set "M". Represent the set "C" as a subset of set "M." Answer this question: What is the cardinality of the set "P" of profits?

Teaching Math In 1980: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Math In 1990: By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down the trees. (There are no wrong answers)

Teaching Math In 2000: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $120. How does Arthur Anderson determine that his profit margin is $60?

Teaching Math in 2005: El hachero vende un camion carga por $100. La cuesta de production es . . . .



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Physician office visit

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The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

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A young Native American woman went to a doctor for her, first ever, physical exam.

After checking all of her vitals and running the
usual tests, the doctor said, "Well, Running Doe,
you are in fine health. I
could find no problems.

I did notice one anomaly, however."

"Oh, what is that, Doctor?"

"Well, you have no nipples."

"None of the people in my tribe have nipples," she
replied.

"That is amazing," said the doctor. "I'd like to
write this up for The
South Carolina Journal of Medicine, if you don't
mind."

She said, "OK."

"First of all" asked the doctor, "how many people
are in your tribe?"

She answered, "approximately 500."

"And what is the name of your tribe?" asked the
doctor.

Running Doe replied, "We're called " .........




(I hate to do this to you) (will not really)










"The Indiannippleless Five Hundred."



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

3 Rules of Getting Older

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The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

---

Never pass a bathroom
Don't waste a hard-on.
Never trust a fart.



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

HAY!!! DEAD HEADS.... KFAT.COM IS ONLINE AND IS THE ONLY DEADHEAD STATION THAT IS

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The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

---

ENJOY THE LISTENING

http://kfat.com/

MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

USRSF - new fighting group

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The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

---

The Pentagon announced today the formation of an elite fighting group called the US REDNECK SPECIAL FORCES (USRSF)


The boys, Cooter, Bubba, Hoss, Dawg, Billy-Bob and Bo will be dropped behind enemy lines and given the following information
about the Iraqi insurgents :

1. The season opened last weekend.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music, or Jesus.
5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

It's estimated that the War should be over in a week and peace established



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

A new exercise Routine

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The worlds is so ass backwards today that it almost makes you wish you were dyslectic - Dennis Miller(I am dyslectic, it didn't work)

IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING
United States Marine Corps

---

New exercise routine if you're over 40.
You might want to take it easy at first, then do it faster as you become
more proficient. It may be too strenuous for s ome.

Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program!

SCROLL DOWN...























NOW SCROLL UP.. ..

That's enough for the first day. Great job.

Have a Beer.


MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".