OH! That's bull !

---

A rancher needs a bull to service his cows but needs to borrow the money
from the bank. The banker who lent the money
comes by a week later to
see how his investment is doing. The farmer
complains that the bull
just eats grass and won't even look at the cows.
The banker suggests
that a veterinarian have a look at the bull.

The next week the banker returns to see if the vet helped.
The farmer looks very pleased.
"The bull has serviced all my cows,
broke through the fence, and has serviced all my
neighbor's cows."

"Wow," says the banker, "what did the vet do to
that bull?"

"Just gave him some pills," replied the farmer.
"What kind of pills?" asked the banker.

"I don't know," says the farmer, "but they sort
of taste like peppermint."



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Live these days in the USA

---

Joe Smith, student USA, started the day early having
set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN)

for 6 a.m. While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA)
was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG).
He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA),
designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE)
and tennis shoes(MADE IN KOREA).

After cooking his breakfast in his new electric
skillet (MADE IN INDIA)
he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO)
to see how much he could spend today.
After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN)
to the radio (MADE IN INDIA)
he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY) and
continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.

At the end of yet another discouraging and
fruitless day, Joe decided to relax for a while.
He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL)
poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE
) and turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA), and

then wondered why he can't find a good paying job
in.....AMERICA.....



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Political Humor as it in April of 01...

---

Clinton & Bush

In a train carriage there was Bill Clinton,
George Bush, a spectacular
looking redhead and a frightfully awful looking fat
lady. After several
minutes of the trip, the train passes through a
dark tunnel, and the
unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When they
leave the tunnel,
Clinton had a big red slap mark on his cheek.

(1) The redhead thought - "That Clinton wanted
to touch me and by mistake,
he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who in
turn must have slapped his face."

(2) The fat lady thought - "That dirty old Bill
Clinton laid his hands on the redhead and she smacked him."

(3) Bill Clinton thought - "George put his hand
on that redhead and by mistake she slapped me."

(4) George Bush thought - "I hope there's another
tunnel soon so I can smack Clinton again.

Remember...

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A thought; IF you are what you eat,

---

Why is it so hard to find asshole food. Maybe it's in the HODOGS or the ground round!


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John Adams said...

---

"One useless man is called a disgrace; two useless men are called a law firm; and three or more useless men are a congress"

---

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Humor - Old Farts Unite and Enlist

---

If I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track down those responsible for killing thousands of innocent people in New York City and Washington, DC But, I'm over 50 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 35 to join the military. They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys.

You shouldn't be able to join until you're at least 35. For starters:

Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more that 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission. "My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!" "Where's the remote control?"

An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war until you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35 and a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly.

An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys get up early every morning to pee.

If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd probably forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food. We've also developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles. We like them almost better than naps.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and give me...er...one."

And the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to actually carry on a conversation, and to wear pants without the top of his butt crack showing and his boxer shorts sticking out. He's still hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a 400-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum. All great reasons to keep our sons at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off to possible death.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked our hearts on September 11. The last thing the enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes.



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I Love You Guys

---

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The NationalTrust.org lists the state of Vermont on it's 2004 Most Endangered for the SECOND time

---

www.nationaltrust.org/Vermont
This link is to the Vermont page of the list of the 11 most endangered places of US Historic Places.

A HOLD STATE?  YES!  WHY?   "BIG BOX STORES",
            BUT MOSTLY  WAL-MART

With historic villages and downtowns,

 working farms, winding back roads,

 forest-wrapped lakes, spectacular 

 mountain vistas and a strong sense

 of community, Vermont has a special

 magic that led National Geographic 

Traveler magazine to name the state 

one of "the World's Greatest Destinations."

 Yet in recent years, this small slice of

 America has come under tremendous pressure

 from the onslaught of big-box retail

 development. The seriousness of this threat

 led the National Trust to name the state to

 its list of America’s 11 Most Endangered

 Historic Places in 1993. Back then,

 Vermont was the only state without a Wal-Mart.

 Today it has four – and it now faces an invasion

 of behemoth stores that could destroy much of

 what makes Vermont Vermont.

This link to the HOLD LIST

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Golf Humor - Golfing With Your Wife ...

---

A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple
> bruises,
> two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
> Naturally,
> the doctor asks him what happened.
> >
> > "Well, it was like this," said the man." I was having a quiet round of
> golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into
> a
> pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around
> noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. So I walked
> over and lifted up her tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with
my
> wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt.
That's
> when I made my big mistake."
> >
> > "What did you do," asks the doctor."
> >
> > "Well, I lifted the cow's tail and yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks
> like yours!' I don't remember much after that."



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Live to be 80?

---

I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab test, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?" He asked, "well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer or wine?"

"Oh no", I replied. "I've never done either." Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?" I said, "No, I heard that all red meat is very unhealthy."

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf / sailing / ballooning / motorcycling / rock climbing?" "No I don't", I said.

He said, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or sexually fool around?" "No", I said. "I have never done any of those things." He looked at me and said, "Then why do you give a shit if you live to be 80?"



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New Twist on old Scam, don't fall for it. Squeal on it to your local TV station

---

Here is a new twist on the Nigerian Scam, it is well crafted and might actually ensnare a number of folks.
Please consider doing an educational report on these scams
in the near future.
This is the request sent to the local TV station today by one of this blog's readers on; THE SCAM;
My name is Chris Jones, a member of Independent
Committee of
Eminent Persons (ICEP), Switzerland. ICEP is
charged with
the responsibility of finding bank accounts in
Switzerland
belonging to non-Swiss indigenes, which have
remained
dormant since World War II.

It may interest you to know that in July of 1997,
the Swiss
Banker's Association published a list of dormant
accounts
originally opened by non-Swiss citizens. These
accounts had
been dormant since the end of World War II (May 9,
1945).
Most belonged to Holocaust victims.

The continuing efforts of the Independent Committee
of
Eminent Persons (ICEP) have since resulted in the
discovery
of additional dormant accounts - 54,000 in
December, 1999.

The published lists contain all types of dormant
accounts,
including interest-bearing savings accounts,
securities
accounts, safe deposit boxes, custody accounts, and
non-interest-bearing transaction accounts. Numbered
accounts
are also included. Interest is paid on accounts
that were
interest bearing when established.

The Claims Resolution Tribunal (CRT) handles
processing of
all claims on accounts due non-Swiss citizens. A
dormant
account of ORDNER ADELE with a credit balance of
35,000,000
US dollar plus accumulated interest was discovered
by me.
The beneficiary was murdered during the holocaust
era,
leaving no WILL and no possible records for trace
of heirs.

The Claims Resolution Tribunal has been mandated to
report
all unclaimed funds for permanent closure of
accounts and
transfer of existing credit balance into the
treasury of
Switzerland government as provided by the law for
management
of assets of deceased beneficiaries who died
interstate
(living no wills).

Being a top executive at ICEP, I have all secret
details and
necessary contacts for claim of the funds without
any hitch.
The funds will be banked in an offshore bank which
will be a
tax free, safe haven for funds and we can share the
funds
and use in investment of our choice.

Due to the sensitive nature of my job, I need a
foreigner to
HELP claim the funds. All that is required is for
you to
provide me with your details for processing of the
necessary
legal and administrative claim documents for
transfer of the
funds to you.

Kindly provide me with your full name, address, and
telephone/fax. I will pay all required fees to
ensure that
the fund is transferred to a secure, numbered
account in
your name in an offshore bank, of which you will be
capable
of accessing the funds gradually and transferring
to your
country and other banks of choice in the world. My
share
will be 60 percent and your share is 40 per cent of
the
total amount. THERE IS NO RISK INVOLVED.

You can find additional information about unclaimed
funds
through the internet at the following websites:
END

NO I won't list them, but they are, in number 6.



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A New World Record Set Today(Reuters)

---

Naked students ride the 'Nemesis Infrno' roller coaster at Thorpe Park in Surrey, southern England, May 21, 2004, during their attempt to break the world record for the most naked people to ride on a roller coaster. The group successfully set a new official world record on Friday with a total of 81 volunteers completing the attempt. (Howard Sayer/Reuters)

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/040521/photos_od/mdf573263


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Humor - US Govt. How does it measure up?

---

In a rare moment of candor,
members of the Bush team

discuss their penis sizes...

GO! Colin




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New words for an old song from "The Sound of Music"

---

Song title:
A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knittin',
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittin's,
Bundles of magazines tied up with string,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cedillas, cataracts, hearing aids, glasses,
Polident, Fixodent, false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
Then I remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food nor food cook'd with onions,
Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of
sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin'.
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache, when the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.
THEN I REMEMBER THE GREAT LIFE I'VE HAD AND
THEN I DON'T FEEL SOOOO BAAAAD.



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Bulletin

---

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Something for the ladies...

---

******************************************************************
> Ladies:
> When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use
> a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any
> white mess on the inside of the cake.
>
> Real Women:
> Go to the bakery - they'll even decorate it for you.
>
> *******************************************************************
> Ladies:
> Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking
> to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
>
> Real Women:
> Sara Lee frozen pie directions do not include brushing
> egg whites over the crust, so just don't do it.
>
> *******************************************************************
> Ladies:
> If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dish
> washing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes
> opening jars easy.
>
> Real Women:
> What dish washing gloves? Go ask the very cute neighbor
> guy to do it.
>
> ***************************************************************
> Ladies:
> Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes
> for future use in casseroles and sauces.
>
> Real Woman:
> What leftover wine??
> ****************************************************************
> And finally the most important tip...
>
> Always remember... A good friend will come and bail you
> out of jail...but, a REALLY GOOD friend will be sitting
> next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"
>
================================

"You can say any foolish thing to a dog,
and the dog will give you a look that says,
'My God, you're right! I never would've
thought of that!'" --Dave Barry

CODE PINK

---

A woman was in a coma. Nurses were in her room
giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area
and noticed that there was a response on the monitor when she touched her.

They went to her husband and explained what happened,
telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex
will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."

The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that
they'd close the curtains for privacy. The hubby finally agreed
and went into his wife's room.

After a few minutes the woman's monitor went flat lined,
no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses ran into the room.

The husband was standing there, pulling his pants up , and said,
"I think she choked."



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Sisters

---

The Matchmaker goes to see Mr. Cohen, a confirmed
bachelor for many
years. "Mr. Cohen, don't leave it too late. I have
exactly the one you
need. You only have to say the word and you'll meet
and be married in no

time!" says the Matchmaker.

"Don't bother," replies Mr. Cohen, "I've two
sisters at home, who look
after all my needs."

"That's all well and good, but all the sisters in
the world cannot
fill the role of a wife."

"I said 'two sisters'. I didn't say they were
mine!"



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A Pic is worth...

---

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Humor - Wal-Mart Greeters

---

Two elderly Wal-Mart greeters >< were sitting on a
bench
during break time and one turns to the other
saying,
"Art, I'm 73 years old and I'm just full of aches
and pains.
I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"

Art says, "I feel just like a new born babe."

Rather amazed, Art's coworker repeats his statement
back
in the form of a question, "Really? A new born
babe???"

"Yup," grins Art, " no teeth, No hair and I think I
just wet my pants."



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If a parrot is green does that make him ?

---

A man gets to his plane seat and is surprised to
find a parrot strapped into the seat next to him.
Once in the air, the Flight Attendant comes around
and the man asks her for a coffee, whereupon the parrot
squawks, "Bring me a whiskey, bitch."

The Flight Attendant, somewhat flustered, brings a
whiskey to the parrot, but forgets the coffee.
When the man points this out to her, the parrot
immediately drains its glass and yells, "Get me
another whiskey, bitch."

Quite upset, the Flight Attendant, shaking, returns
shortly with a whiskey for the parrot, but still no coffee.

Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man decides to
try the parrot's approach.
"I've asked you twice for a coffee, bitch, now go
and get it!"

In a couple of seconds, two huge burly Flight
Attendants grab both him and
the parrot, take them to the nearest emergency exit
and throw them out.

As they're falling, the parrot turns to the man and
says, "You know, for

someone who can't fly, you sure are a mouthy
bastard!"



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Humor - Too Much Chicken

---

A little boy and a girl attended the same school and became friends.

Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch.
Soon they discovered that they both brought chicken sandwichs every day. This went on all through the Fourth and Fifth grades until one day he noticed that she didn't have a chicken sandwich.

He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating chicken? Don't you like it anymore?" She said,
"I love it, but I have to stop eating it."
"Why?" he said.
She pointed to her lap and said,
"Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!"
"Let me see" he said. "Okay" and she pulled up her skirt.
He looked and said "Gosh, you are! Better not eat anymore chicken."

The boy kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter sandwiches. He said to the little girl,
"I have to stop eating chicken. I'm starting to get feathers down there too." She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her.

"Oh, my God, it's too late for you, you've already got the neck and gizzards.


MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Some inportant Tech News for users of Norton Anti-Virus

---

DO a FRIDAY UPDATE on your NORTON, Anti-Virus Software

---------------------------------------------------------------

Computer security specialist Symantec(Norton AntiVirus) Thursday moved swiftly to patch for four very serious vulnerabilities in its popular Norton firewall product suite.

An alert from Cupertino, Calif.-based Symantec described the flaws as "high risk" and warned that a successful exploit could wipe out a user's computer. Attackers could also execute remote code with kernel-level privileges on the targeted system.

The vulnerabilities, first discovered by researchers at eEye Digital Security, affect both enterprise and consumer Norton users.

I just went for an update (12:30 PST)and sure as hell there was one there. And I just update Tus. and Thursday. Hurry up! Go do it now and then come back and read...




MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Think about it...

---

While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.


MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Life lessons for our offspring

---

To anyone with kids, of any age, here's some
advice Bill Gates recently dished out at a high school speech about 11 things they did not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teaching has created a full generation of kids with
no concept of reality and how this concept sets them up for failure in the real world.

RULE 1

Life is not fair - get used to it.

RULE 2

The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you
to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

RULE 3

You will NOT make 50 thousand dollars a year right out of high school.
You won't be a vice president with a car phone, until you earn both.

RULE 4

If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He
doesn't have tenure.

RULE 5

Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a
different word for burger flipping - they called it opportunity.

RULE 6

If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault. So don't whine about
your mistakes, learn from them.

RULE 7

Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now.
They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and
listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the
rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try
delousing the closet in your own room.

RULE 8

Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has
not. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they'll give
you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear
the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

RULE 9

Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very
few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that
on your own time.

RULE 10

Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to
leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

RULE 11

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.




MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

A THOUGHT

---

"I live in a crummy Condo. Once, opportunity knocked & a wall collapsed."


MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

It's still funny

---

It's a hot day in Minnesota. Helga hangs the wash out to dry,puts a roast in the oven, and
then goes downtown to pick up some dry cleaning.

"Gootness, it's hot," she muses to herself as she walks down Main Street.
As she passes by a tavern she thinks, "Vy nodt?" So she walks and takes a seat at the bar.

The bartender comes up and asks her what she would like to drink.

"Ya know," Helga says, "it is so hot, I tink I'll have myself ah cold beer."
The bartender asks, "Anheuser Busch?"

Helga blushes. "Vell fine, tanks, und how's yer pecker?"



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

The Truth

---

MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

THE TRUTH IN 13 WORDS........

---

Ain't this the absolute truth?

"Inside every older person is a younger person - wondering what the hell happened".

MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

This would work

---

WHO SAYS REDNECKS AREN'T REAL BRIGHT??

Hello, is this the FBI?"

Yes. What do you want?"

"I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob
Smith! He is hiding
marijuana inside his firewood."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's
house. They search
the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes,
they bust open
every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.

They swore at Billy Bob and left..

The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.

"Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?"

"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep."

"Happy Birthday, Buddy"



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

Religious Truths

---

There are at least three religious truths:

1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the
Messiah.

2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as
the leader of the Christian faith.

3. Baptists do not recognize each other at
Hooters or the liquor store.



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

A Short Thought or feeling...

---

SLOW TO ANGER, BUT SWIFT AND SMART


MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

A Short Thought or feeling...

---

SLOW TO ANGER, BUT SWIFT AND SMART


MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".

I don't know how to entitle these

---

1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
> AT&T fired President John Walter after
> nine months, saying he lacked intellectual
> leadership" He received a $26 million
> severance package. Perhaps it's not
> Walter who's lacking intelligence.
>
> 2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS!
> Police in Oakland, California spent two hours
> attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded
> himself inside his home. After firing ten tear
gas
> canisters, officers discovered that the man was
> standing beside them, shouting "Please come out
> and give yourself up".
>
> 3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
> An Illinois man pretending to have a gun
> kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to
> two different automated teller machines. The
> kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money
> from his own bank accounts.
>
> 4. THE GETAWAY!
> A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik
> Stop, and asked for all the money in the cash
> drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so
> he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter
> himself for three hours until police showed up
> and grabbed him.
>
> 5. DID I SAY THAT???
> Police in Los Angeles had good luck with
> a robbery suspect who just couldn't control
> himself during a lineup. When detectives asked
> each man in the lineup to repeat the words,
> "Give me all your money or I'll shoot,"
> the man shouted, "that's not what I said!"
>
> 6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
> A man spoke frantically into the phone,
> "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are
only
> two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?"
the
> doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted,
> "This is her husband!"
>
> 7. NOT THE SHARPEST KNIFE IN THE DRAWER!!
> In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was
> arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America
> branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and
> a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he
> failed to keep his hand in his pocket (
hellllllloooooooooo !)
>
> 8. THE GRAND FINALE
> Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located
> in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield,
> California, some folks, new to boating, were
having a
> problem. No matter how hard they tried, they
> couldn't get their brand new 22-ft. Bayliner to
perform.
> Wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very
> sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how
> much power was applied. After about an hour
> of trying to make it go, they putted over to a
> nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell
them
> what was wrong. A thorough topside check
> revealed everything in perfect working order.
> The engine ran fine, the out drive went up and
down,
> the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one
of
> the marina guys jumped in the water to check
> underneath. He came up choking on water, he was
> laughing so hard.
> Under the boat, still strapped securely in place,
was the
> trailer.



MY ADVICE endeavors at keen.com. The number is 1-800-275-5336 (800-ask-keen) + ext. 0329063 for tech stuff, 0329117 for running a small business, and 0329144 on investing. Want to CHAT, I use Yahoo's IM as the_web_ster. View me in the Friends & Family part of webcamnow.com, just click on "view cams", then in the Java window click on WebcamNow Communities drop down arrow & select Friends & Family. Under the live webcams look for & click on me "the_webster".